So yesterday started out to be a good day lots of good back n forth bantering here on the board. PMA was at a good level no imparticular reason just a good general mood.
After lunch W emailed me to let me know where the kiddo's were in relation to when they would be home from their vacation. Been 10 long days since seeing them. Well I then am reminded of just real this journey is and how long there is too go. The emails turned very one sided she basically telling me how much she has missed them, never once stopping to think of me & my feelings, I put a few things out there but they paled in the comparison to W. I chose not to continue down 'her' road and let her rant on.
She informed me that she was living work at 3:30 to I guess go home and clean-up I didn't ask she didn't offer the info just figured. Well about 4:45 she sent a text saying where they were and that she just got outta the shower and was so excited to see them and that she was going to take them to dinner. I throughout this was being a good boy validating & told her the dinner was a good idea.
So I am reminded how long this journey is, by the happenings of yesterday. I too have missed my kids deeply, but because they live with her I lose out she gets to hear all the exciting news while it's still fresh, she got the oh so precious 'we just got home' hugs, she got all of the fresh 'I love you's'. By the time I get to see my kids it will be like reheating left-overs never tastes the same.
So I am reminded how long this journey is and just how selfish W is still, I thought we were a bit closer in that she might have invited me to at least go to dinner with them. I knew in the back of my mind though that was too much to hope for. So I settled for the good ole' phone call and told them we would get together sometime later and they could fill me in with the reheated left-overs.(I didn't say that to them).
So as I was workingout I tried to put my finger on just how I was feeling about it. Wasn't angry. Wasn't happy that they were home cause they weren't at their real home. I finally decided that I was jealous not to the extreme of green with envy just jealous. I finished a good hard workout and decided it was okay to feel that way I have never let myself be jealous of anything kind of a different feeling...
