Love is Patient

[ba065]

Good Morning everyone!

I didn't sleep well...I'm tired. It's no surprise.

It's supposed to be cooler here today...low 80s. It will be a nice change.

The "separation" is not at all what I expected. I believe H is having a harder time with it than I anticipated. It's not the vacation he was imagining I suppose.

He was a no show to come over to paint last night. I figured that would be the case.

My friend's kids came by to drop some things off...they were here about an hour. It was nice to see them. They had spent the summer in CA with their Dad so I hadn't seen them since May.

H tried to call twice while they were here. I didn't answer the phone. When he called the 3rd time I answered. He'd wished I would have let him know they were here....he would have liked to see them.

He wanted to know if I would go with him to dinner. I told him I didn't think so...go ahead. After several more minutes he asked again...a couple more times.....please....so I agreed.

We went to Carrabbas...I had soup...he had pasta...we both ordered a glass of wine. After we ordered, he got up from his side of the booth and came and sat next to me...???

Dinner was pleasant...and informative. He has evidently been doing alot of thinking already. It's only been a couple of days and he is "seeing" alot.

I guess this is a good thing...but it isn't at all what I anticipated. He is using his time wisely I think.

He said he has come to realize that he has been resentful of me. He has felt that he was being held somewhere he didn't want to be. He is beginning to see that this wasn't the case. While he is bored out of his mind at the townhouse, he feels free to do whatever he wants and not have to answer to anyone for it. But he's come to the understanding that he could have done that at home too. Nobody here questioned him if he wanted to go biking or running or shopping...whatever.

I asked him if he felt that his feelings were justified. First he said in a normal marriage no...but in our situation, yes. When I pressed further and asked him to give me some expamles, he had none.

He said that he felt like he couldn't do whatever he wanted because of me. When I stated that the only thing I could think of where there would have been times I told him no about something like that was when it came to extravagant purchases. I pay all the bills and therefore when he would want to go out and blow several hundred dollars on something (which wasn't often) I may have said...not right now or something....but I felt I had always been supportive of whatever he wanted to do. H totally agreed with me...???

Another thing he said was that he wanted to kinda date. Not other people, but each other. He wants the "excited" feeling he got when we first met. He wants to be anxious to see me. He wants to try to get together (not everyday) and have dates to try to get that feeling back.

I guess these are positives. I don't quite know how he could dilly dally around for a year and then come to this conclusion in just a couple of days of being away. I am cautiously watching and waiting. I don't think the worse is over. How can it be so soon?

I have made some plans for myself tonight. Nothing big...running a couple of errands...and shopping. Something I wouldn't normally do after work. I have always tried to get errands done on my lunch hour so I could be home when H got here. But I'm doing them later tonight. I may meet a friend for a cup of coffee after work too. She is supposed to call later.

I feel like I am doing this not for me...and not to get a reaction out of H. But to force myself to make him wonder where I am or what I'm doing. I don't think that's the reason I should be doing it...but it's how I feel...(oh Gosh!..that sounds exactly like something H would say)!...but it's how I feel...agh!

He just called to make sure I was awake. He wished me a good morning. Said I could call to chat if I wanted today. Told him I would be pretty busy at work (probably not true). He said he would check in with me later. I told him he didn't have to. He said..I will. He said ILY...hope you have a good day....ILY....goodbye. ???

A new day....here I go.

(((())))

BA