Hey sweet hearts, thanks for checking in on me, Hey Sara and whatdidido, how have you ladies been doing, I know both of you are doing great. Sara, yes, all school supplies are bought and the kids ae ready to go. Whatdidido, I know you ae doing great, your H is so lucky.
Karen, hi, I'm thinking of you always. Guys no. Tall 6 foot blonds in FL, wow
Ladies, Karen, Kat, Sara, whatdidido, my angles, thank you so much, God bless each one of you, sweet dreams
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
W wanted to talk this morning, says she doesn't want me to hate her, said that I didn't do this or I didn't do that that she tried to make our marriage work, etc. She said she is a good person and I should not hate her, I told her she makes me sick and I hate what she has done to me, lying to me and cheating on me.
When I sign D paperwork, I'm going to give my wedding ring back to her with a note that says, you can justify what you did to me anyway you want but you know I loved you with all my heart and you know that I would have done anything for you and our marriage. It was your decision to do what you have done.
W called me at work, she was still upset and said she didn't like that I had full physical custody of the children, did some quick research and called her back told her I will only agree to full physical custody of the children. I'm worried that 2 years down the road when W wakes up or needs money she'll want child support payments because I make more money and we share physical custody of the children. I told her she was a good mother and I would never stand in her way when it comes to being with the children and I won't - it is good that she wants to be with them.
The physical custody thing, W said she feels like she is abandoning the children, what would people think
I agree with her wanting to be with the kids but do not agree with her wanting to keep up appearances.
Had to bite my tongue, told her she is a good mother, said I would not stand in her way anytime she wanted to be with the children etc. etc. she thanked me for the compliment and said she would call L and agree to giving me full custody of the children.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
This is where could suggest Retro now if you wanted to save your marriage. She wouldn't be able to say she did everything if she says "no" to retro. Retrovaille is exactly for marriages like yours where people believe it is hopeless. I think you are past reconciliation or even seeing if you can, but thought I should throw it out there.
As for the kids, looks like you will get full custody, and right now that is the best thing for them.
Glad to hear that you told her this verbally, and didn't put it in writing. Not sure what the laws are in your state about voice recording phone conversations (in many states, they are LEGAL so long as ONE of the two parties in the conversation know they're being taped), but please be careful when throwing around "you are a good mother" bouquets.
I respect you for standing up for full custody of your children.
Thanks Puppy, W was really upset this morning after our talk, don't want to upset her right now until everything is settled.
She called back later, better mood, dropped off some paperwork at my house, said she opted for D paperwork to be mailed to me vs being served by the local Sherriff. I really don't care, a rose by any other name .... is still D paperwork.
W did push to be able to pick up the kids after school, 3 days a week, will save me some $ I guess it'll be ok, will make sure she knows I want them home at 5:00pm so I start dinner, homework, etc. I don't expect her to follow through with this, becasue she needs another job to support herself.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Jeff, I have to wonder, I think sometimes our WAS are majorly motivated about the kids for financial reasons (my H doesn't want to give me any financial support) or appearances and that kind of thing. I wonder if after the D they will see the children less when there are not those motivations or whatever. My H barely saw the kids the first 6 months of his affair, and he has always had his workouts as a bigger priority than the kids, He told me his job was his 1st priority, then workouts, then the kids, then his friends and I was like 5th (and that was a few years ago), so I wonder if he will again drop the kids in a while. I guess if that's the case, I'll just try to be there for them as you will be there for your kids. Or maybe they will grow up at some point? Karen
Your #1 in my book, I always told W its us, then the kids, It had to be that way, in any relationship, Love for each other first, then love for the kids, everything else, friends, family, etc came after us.
Out GAL'ing tonight, last softball game, we lost, great group of guys and gals on my team, coach and his W announced that they are expecting their first, that was great, good couple. I'm the old guy on the team, playing with 20 and 30 year olds. We had fun this year, happy hour next Friday, will have to ask W if she wants to watch the kids, or I'l have to hire a baby sitter, because, I'll be there.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I think that is something we both forgot along the way and here I was a flight attendant, put your oxygen mask on first and then help children or those that can't help themselves. I used to think, I would help my kids first, but through this journey I have truly learned. Take care of yourself first or you won't be around to help the kids. Take care of the marriage first so it will be there for the family.
Doesn't that sound right? Oh, I should have posted that on mine or Karen's thread since she is my Glenda(from Wizard of Oz). lol
Go out with your team. Have a great time...you deserve it.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Jeff and Kat, I hate to admit it, but I think I put the kids first always, then H, and I guess I was 3rd. I know better now: H first, then me and the kids (maybe tied for 2nd?). My H was gone all the time and I thought he was happy and I was busy with the kids, and we didn't spend enough time together or go out on dates. I always thought we'd do that later, and now there is no later of course. And yeah, Kat we need to focus more on ourselves; I'm definitely doing that now with TKD and friends and stuff, but like today I just got my hair cut--it's been about 6 months and I shouldn't do that-I get the kids haircuts every month or 2, but don't do that for myself!!! Karen
Karen: My H was gone all the time and I thought he was happy and I was busy with the kids, and we didn't spend enough time together or go out on dates.
We did go on dates, just me and W, dinner, hockey games, etc. I was attentive to her needs, as an example when she worked late Sat nights, I let her sleep in and I took care of the kids and I would make her breakfest in bed, W is a strange bird, doesn't like being tied down, cannot stand to have to ask if she can do this or that, but that is just common courtesy in any relationship. Something screwed up in her head.
W called me a work today, found cereal bar half eaten in S5 room, complained about candy wrappers (kids know they are not to eat in their room - I'm still working on this) complained about the vacuum cleaner not working properly, complained about S5 chest of drawers, some of the drawers need to be fixed, said to me, "I don't want you to think I'm nagging you" - I kept saying OK, Ok, OK - she has always been this way, needs to vent or talk about stuff, never bothers me.
But, when she isn't here all day and the kids are in school, she is going to flip out, won't have nothing to nag me about, she has been nagging me for 11 years, its going to be hard on her not to be able to call me up and complain about something.
M45 W41 M10.75 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 W files for D 07/18/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
said I would not stand in her way anytime she wanted to be with the children etc. etc. she thanked me for the compliment and said she would call L and agree to giving me full custody of the children.