As a matter of fact, I know people whom I have worked with who have been married several years and do you know what? They are only intimate once a month! They set a date for that. I have heard of others where it is only once a year.
We all know those type of people BUT they aren't all in Patti's situation where her H has left and come back again. Telling her how sorry he is and that he loves her but doesn't appear to want to put the work in. That is different to two people accepting that is the way their lives are. Patti wants more and deserves more. If her Hs words (IMO) were said in all honesty he would at least be prepared to work with her instead of giving her excuses all the time.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
DO you think he can have a man to man talk with Warren to get to the bottom of this?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
dont know....hate to bring warren into that aspect of our life
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I have to agree with ACJ, Patti deserves so much more. This is making her so unhappy and is a huge issue for her. Her H is making no attempt whatsoever to rectify this problem. It is just one excuse after another and a string of lies. IMO.
Yes some people can and do live with this set up. It really depends on whether you want a "marriage" in the truest sense of the word or you are content to have a live in companion for the security that you feel that being able to say you are married brings. Some people can live with 3 people in the marriage, Patti is not one of them. Personally I cannot see him talking to Warren about this nor do I think it would help Patti. Her husband obviously knows full well what she wants and for some reason is not able to even try to give it to her. It is a question of how much she is prepared to let go of for the sake of having her husband under the same roof. Her self respect and her own emotional and physical needs not being met will only lead to more heartache in the long term again IMO.
Patti, only you can decide and we will support you whatever path you take for we are not walking in your shoes.
My children were almost grown and gone when my H had his affair and part of me wanted to accept the companionship of having him home whilst turning a blind eye to OW and the fact he had mentally,emotionally checked out of the marriage. Yes he told me he loved me but words are cheap and his actions did not prove that love. After much soul searching I knew I could not settle for that, not after what we had shared before. It would have in my mind destroyed me and made a mockery of all the love we had shared plus my children would have questioned all the beliefs we had taught them. Children learn what they live. It turned my world, my life upside down and inside out, but at the end of the day I did the right thing for me. 8 years on I could have still been living my nice comfy life but as a person I would have been a shell and maybe still waiting for the man I loved with all my soul to love me again with the love we had shared for over 30 years. We have one life make it the life you deserve it to be.
Go back and read DR and DB. But THIS time, read the parts about the Walk Away Spouse. Read about the REASONS why spouses eventually decide that nothing is going to change and choose to move forward.
How long do you think you will be content to live this way?
Are you ok with avoiding the issues and eventually reaching the point where it is YOU Michelle is describing in those paragraphs?
Not every walk away is an evil, hateful, no feelings type of person. Sometimes they are just people who have endured all they can endure, done their best to communicate their need to no avail, and concluded that leaving is all that's left.
Sometimes separation is the only thing that makes us open our eyes to our problems.
My ex insisted during the early months of our separation that she had TRIED to get me to address some of the issues between us, but that I would not do it. I still insist that this was not the case. The thing is that despite how I feel about it, that was HER perception of things.
This man needs to be moved off of top dead center.
Allowing the status quo to remain means that you will continue to live a life that hurts you every day.
Hurt leads to resentment.
Resentment leads to...well, I think you get my drift.
Facing the fear associated with confrontation sometimes needs to be done if we want to avoid an even worse outcome later.
Remember the old Fram oil filter commercial? You can pay me now, or you can pay me later.
Now was supposed to be better.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
dont know....hate to bring warren into that aspect of our life
Oh heck, stick a crushed up viagara in his orange juice!!!!!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
dont know....hate to bring warren into that aspect of our life
Oh heck, stick a crushed up viagara in his orange juice!!!!!!
ROFL, haha!
But um, where do you get the little blue pills? My H got hurt over the weekend and the pain relievers I had for him were little blue pills. Maybe I could slip in an exchange. <evil grin>
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
