my crazy mess part 5 the saga continues!

[Continuing]

Ok, here are my thoughts/opinions/conjecture on this "how to ask a man..." business.

I don't think it's a formula. I don't think there is a magic turn of a phrase that makes everything click in a man's mind. Of course, one can make some generalizations about how men act and think but I don't think that gets you very far.

To be honest, I think that this has nothing to do with a lack of communication; I think people communicate freakishly well no matter how accidental it is. Our perception tends to filter out that which makes us anxious; people avoid being aware of sending out negative message just as people avoid being aware of what those negative messages mean. The question then becomes do both parties really know what they are communicating. Is spouse A fully aware of what is being sent out and is B fully aware of what they are reacting to.

If you are asking many times for the same thing or 'nagging', why are you doing that (and "because I want xyz' is not an answer). If you are refusing to do something even though a person is reminding you or 'nagging', why are you refusing?

The way people interact can be very rigid and inflexiable and there is a reason why. The responsiblity lies on us as individuals to be more self-reflective and more self-aware; to see these patterns, in an effort to be a more flexible but a more solid person.

So, all that to say, until a man truely understands himself and why he acts in certains ways, nothing you do will be satisfying. You will either continue to act rigidly for reasons that are unknown to you and be bitter that you are not getting results. Or you will violate yourself and change all in an effort to make your man do what you want because you NEED this to be so for YOUR functioning. So first, I guess, figure out what it is that you want and why you want it and allow and hope that your man will be doing the same. And know that self-discovery is a tough journey. Once on this path you can communicate in a way that is truely you and not worry about whether or not something is 'getting across', or you have the choice to change and try to use different tactics of communicating, knowing this isn't really you or your style, but out of love and self-sacrifce you are willing to be flexible because you WANT to connect with your man.

One path leads to the freedom to connect with your man and the other leads to your enslavement to your man, his emotional state, and responses.

If you want to know the answer to 'what way is the best way to communicate with your man', he will have to tell you. If he can't and you need him to get a message that you are sending, ask what it is that you need and why you need him to provide it for you.

So...those are some thoughts...