No one can save her but herself. I say the same about H. They have to face their pain and then they will have to face the pain that they have created in the people that love them .
I still love H so I understand. The key to helping me is that this is NOT my husband. He may be trapped in there but he isn't front and center. Until he chooses to face his personal demons and fight them off, nothing will change. I wish my love for him was enough, but he wanted more. Sounds like your wife too.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I'm sorry you are going through this, and it is awful to be left at home alone without your W and kids. I'm sorry I am making you tear up. Keep sharing your feelings with us, so many understand you and are where you are at. I am only trying to give advice that I think will help you in saving your marriage and/or helping you leave with no regrets if that is what ends up happening.
I'm glad you will give her the retro stuff. Sooner rather than later I hope. Before she gets all settled in her place and "new life". Don't make it easy on her for leaving her family. Make a plan....like talking to her THIS WEEK OR WEEKEND.
She faces her demons already and is the reason she is not going to church anymore. I did the same thing.
B called me tonight. I didn't answer. Was tempted to call her back, but I didn't. No message left.
Why does she always seem to call me when I'm down?
Then D11 calls fifteen minutes later. We are on the phone for like 30 minutes.
I had been calling them through out the day. MIL was supposed to drop by to see them or take them some lunch because she was off. She never showed. I got off early today and went to the tax office. CROWDED. I saw a girl that I knew waiting in line. Former co-worker. Now she works for the same place as B.
I'm telling you, my world is small.
Just talk in passing. I get out and check on kids again. Still no word from MIL. I ask them if they want anything. Mickey D's. I call GBG. Left on hold at her work number. I hang up. She calls back. "Hey, you know your mom never showed up." "She didn't?" I know she knew. D11 told me she just talked to her. "Well, I guess I can't trust ANYONE."
I remembered that when we both got back from the store yesterday, she was on her phone. As we were taking the table in the apartment together she tells me, "That was Robin." My exSIL. The enabler. I just look. I don't say anything. I have nothing but contempt for her now. "When I need them, its always something. Now when I don't need them and they want to come around? Uh uh. Tells me who my friends are. I can't rely on anyone."
I was like 'Hello, who the hell is helping you right NOW stupid?'
Anyway, I tell her that they were expecting lunch or to go somewhere, so they held off on eating lunch. "Do you mind if I take them some Mickey D's?" "Ohhh, poor things. No, I don't mind." "I'll just drop it off." "Thats fine." "Do you want anything?" It was already 4:30.
"Uhhhhh.....no........., I'll be ok." "Okay. Talk to you later." "Bye."
Hung at the apartment. Girls happy to see me. D11 drew and colored some pictures for me. Me and her, and me and Juli. Like 8 pictures. I tell her to keep them so she can make be a book. I also want GBG to see them. D11 tells me how she helped put the table together with her mom. Not sure how it came up but D11 mentions that mom said that she was broke. "Well she just bought all this stuff." "I know. She says that its expensive starting over."
I tell them I have to get going.
So tonight we are talking and she tells me, "Daddy, know what?" "What baby girl?" "I missed you as soon as you walked out the door." "Me too. I missed you as I left."
They just got back from Kohls. And Starbucks. While talking, GBG tells her to ask what time I get off tomorrow. I tell her 6. I hear, "Ask him if he can come check on ya'll because I get out at 6:30." D11 relays and I say ok. "And ask him if he can bring Miguels wallet. And some sausages." I hear her laughing at her self. D11 laughs too. "So mom wants me to bring the wallet and SAUSAGES?" "Yeah, she's been wanting sausage for breakfast."
I agree. "Anything else?"
In the background, "Uhhhhh.....no, if he wants to.......no, that's all I can think of."
So I'll get to see them again tomorrow. Maybe twice. I might take the wallet and breakfast sausages in the morning before I go to work. Sounds like GBG is going in late to be getting off late. She'll be there in the morning. And then I'll stop by after I get off work. Only a 30 minute difference between us, though. GBG thinks funny. If I get there, she should be there only 30 minutes later.
Lots of I love you's. I tell D11 big bear hugs to her and to Juli and to mom, too. "I miss all of ya'll."
Maybe I'll forget the sausages and wallet. I don't think I should go if GBG is going to be there, too. Maybe just a quick stop after work. Not hang out. Leave before she shows up. Also leave off some antenna's for the tv's. She has no cable, so no channels at all.
Am I doing acts of service? Just being kind. Its not really meant for her. More for the kids.
Or am I rescuing?
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Maybe a bit of both. I really think she did all of this let her work it out. In my case H doesn't have cable either, but you know he will spend the gas money to see skank 25 miles away a couple of times a week at least so the money is there...It is all HIS choice. Kids say he never has anything to do...his pat answer is put in a DVD. He doesn't get creative or anything and if I help, it has just built up resentment and made me an enabler in my own situation. I could see that happening in yours too.
Let her figure it out.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Good job with B. She will continue to call. You could really use a "talk" with B right now. She would make you feel sooo good rather than the pain you are feeling now. So, again, good job on being a strong man and doing what is right even though "the drug" would be so much easier. Even if she leaves a msg, do not call her back.
Her statement about "it's expensive to start over".....ugh.....please give her retro before she is full blown in a new life. As for the sausages......."I'm leaving you, but could you bring me some sausages in the morning....I want them." Ugh, again. She wants to start a new life, but have you help her along the way....not good. Don't help her.
