That last post was amazing, I found it really inspirational! I think you have a great perspective on your sitch and yourself, it is really positive. You obviously have great self-awareness. It's good you set some boundaries with your h re your friends and I'm really pleased you made it up with your friend. Perhaps you've set boundaries there to now?
wow LOst! amazing post- you are so clear...sometimes we get our gifts in life through painful experiences- but look at how strong you are becoming!
i agree about D and repeating it all again with someone new..i even said that my H at the beginning- i said ..."sure...we can go find new people and then get fed up/bored after 10 years again...and repeat..."..i said it calmly- he was quiet...
sooo- just know that this clarity you have right now is VERY powerful!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Thanks, girls. I don’t know how self-aware or clear I really am, I’m just trying so hard to figure out a way to make this whole situation a positive instead of feeling like the biggest, most painful mistake of my life, that I have no choice in. And logically, I know it’s a huge mistake. I know that my M could be great if both H and I were willing to work at it. Sadly, I know that he will see that someday, I just hope that it doesn’t come too late for us. Cause, damn, SOME guy is going to be very lucky someday when I find my happy and have learned all about DB and ways to communicate where you actually don’t end up making things worse!
It’s weird how the stages of grief aren’t linear at all but rather you slip in and out of each one randomly, day to day. Sometimes I think I’m already at acceptance, and then today I slip back into denial—how much this all feels so unreal, like a nightmare that I just can’t wake up from.
I made an aggressive calendar last night of all the things I want to accomplish this month, set some personal goals. And the date that kept glaring out at me is August 13—my wedding anniversary. Should I ask H if he wants to do something on that day, maybe go out to dinner?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I know what you mean about the stages of grief, I hit them in very random orders as well and just because you more to another the others are not behind you.
Our anniversary is the 20th and I have the same questions. Lucky it is on Wed so seeing each other is out of the question. I don't have to ask she does not have to say no. I found a great picture of her and her Gpapa as a kid fishing. She has told me this story several times over the years, I am going to frame that and send it to her, with a very simple card. (maybe not even a anniversary card) and maybe four roses (when in high school I got her roses for each month until about the eight month and I could not afford to keep it up so its kind of a inside joke)
Something nice but no pressure I think is best. Is there anything you know he would appreciate that would fall into true giving, since you are not excepting anything in return?
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
well- i asked the same questions and my anniversary was July 21st.
i asked him to get together for something casual like lunch or something- i didnt want him to feel too much romantic pressure...he ended up saying dinner would be good...i got him a funny card and just told him a joke in it and said he was a wonderful man...nothing mushy..i got him a tshirt..nothing fancy...he didnt get me anything and he later apologized saying he is confused...well we ended up having dinner- and had a great night- then he came over and we went in the hot tub and kissed for the first time in 3 months...
im not saying that to get your hope up or to brag- but im saying that a casual invite to lunch turned into this...i had no expectations either...so throw it out there very casually and see what he says...
does this help? what do you think?
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
I didn't do anything for mine as it was fairly near the second bomb. It just passed without either of us saying a word... it wasn't great. Had it not been so near to the second bomb things might have been different.
Think out of the box, think real giving... even if it seems a wacky idea.
Well, what I have so far is a new, really slinky little black dress (not too dressy, though, just cute and short), and the idea to go to an intimate little Italian restaurant.
I think he might feel really uncomfortable with a gift. Hmmm...
I think if I can really feel apart from the situation, really detached, it would be real giving. No expectations whatsoever, prepared for anything he might say with acceptance. And I do feel accepting of whatever he could say at this point. I feel like I have a good life, one that I am proud of, and one that doesn't need his involvement.
It's a mirror image of what my life was like when we first met...maybe that is a gift? After all the guilt I know he harbors?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
I just sent H an e-mail inviting him out for dinner next week, kept it light and stupid--"could be our last anniversary, better take advantage--get it while it's hot!"
Feeling good today guys, have a jam-packed week of stuff going on. Hey, at least I won't be bored.
Might not check the boards as often, but I'll be thinking about you all...love & all that mushy stuff...:)
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
