My cheeks are red (more than two) from all that have had the compassion to venture in my thread. I don't update so much so my updates will be most likely longer than appreciated but I do need to expel some.
I took the sales job at the insurance brokerage firm because my options are at nill. I interviewed back at my old job and I think by the expression of their eyes they realized that I didn't want the job, just trying to provide. They had put me in an interview room with a window to the hallway so that all could peer in and say hello. It was bad enough to come with what's left of my tail between my legs and then to say hello to all that I had worked with several years before. The interview went as well as could be expected and strangely it was nice to see some that I had enjoyed working with. But Previously I had accepted the insurance job because it was SO different and at least they would reimbursement for the license that I need to achieve.
Needlessly to say, my family and my W's family think it is totally ridiculous and I have been shunned. I have been doing the online schooling for 2-3 hours a night to get my accreditation and need to CRAM before I start training next week. My W thinks it's absolutely stupid and I certainly understand why but it's time to sh_t or get off the pot as my mother always says. I strangely feel this might be a good temporary destination for me since at least I will get a free Health and Life license out of the deal if everyone is on the up and up. I have researched the firm as much as possible and it seems to be legitimate, so it is all up to me.
My M and it's components are all astray. I have been a little more than STRESSED and TENSE to say the least. My Buffer money is gone and unemployment is soon to run out next month. All parties in the family have turned against me because the trip to LA was voided because I didn't have a job. At least that was what was told the kids.
I have tried to get this house ready to sell and it is done after putting in the new fence last week. Most likely I will wait until fall to get that together and it will be to most likely split the return on equity if and when it sells.
My W had said that I didn't try hard enough looking for a new job or looked the right way. Nothing new there, unless it is her way than it is wrong. We have to go to Seattle this weekend for a wedding on her fathers side of the family. We had got the hotel room at discount through her mother but we were to come home on monday the 11th the same day as my start day for training. My w is out of town on business in Iowa and Chicago and will be flying in sat the 9th to Seattle. She was worried about the particulars with driving and such and I told her I would take care of it. She said that she didn't want to wait so she called her mom. She proceeded to state that it was because of my stupid job and "there wasn't going to be a paycheck anyway" and that I needed to figure it out. I was enraged and told her that it was my problem as far as transportation and that I would figure it out and that I didn't appreciate her "stepping in". It was a major argument and our middle "s" friend was staying the night so he got to hear the whole thing. Meanwhile I had agreed to get all the supplies for her bachelorette party for one of her friends, dwindling more money out of our account that we could give. I dropped off the kids to a movie and got the alcohol and party stuff from the store. I then went to get her her wireless card for her laptop because her company failed to provide her one. I didn't understand that because it is a MAJOR banking institution and all the hours and things she is supposed to accomplish is never going to happen without one. I mean a laptop without a wireless card is like a paraplegic with a crutch. I dropped off all the supplies and wireless card and then I went to the movie because the little one had to be with his brother and friend.
My wife texted me that she doesn't understand why I am so stressed and to try to live her life with all that is expected of her. I just told her this is no competition, I just want to be acknowledged that I have a right to feel the way I do. She said that she has tried to help but I won't take it. I told her $10.00 an hour jobs will not help our situation and the jobs she applied for me have shift hours that will not work that go into the evening. I appreciate the thought but WE need something more do-able.
I told her that it might be the time for me to detach myself from this situation since I apparently am bringing everyone down and making everyone anxiety stricken. She said that she would rather move into the garage and that would take care of everything. Ridiculous.
Meanwhile I had promised her parents that I would take the kids to their company picnics after dropping my W off at the airport the following day. I had dropped my W off and when I got home the "M" son told me she forgot her glasses and I needed to go back to the airport. I was supposed to meet the in laws at the picnic within a half hour. I called them and they were peeved but they said they would see me soon. She did actually say thank you but that was that. I got all the kids together and went to the two picnics and was ignored by the father in law. He seems to think that "NOW" I am a lowlife and not doing what I can for the family. I stated that without the money I had saved, my credit rating and the time I have endured picking up the slack then we would be worse off. He walked away and that was that.
SOOOO...I really don't want to spend the extra money going to this wedding that I don't even know and endure the cold shoulders of family members all the while. My wife is supposed to fly into Seattle on sat with me picking her up. I really want to drop everything and get some distance from all this. I want to concentrate on this new job with all that I have, it is my only shot at success. My kids don't listen to me because I am the reason they're summer has been shot and my nerves have been frayed to nothing.
I also have been finding out that My son's and my medication have been dwindling far more than the normal dosage. The pharmacy is not refilling the prescriptions because it is too early. I notified my wife of this fact and she said that she only has taken a "FEW". I told her that unless her name is on the prescription then it would be best if she didn't take any. She said that it wasn't any big deal and that I was being paranoid. I told her that not only is my son's and my doctor charting this but so is the insurance company and it is a BIG deal. She said "don't exaggerate!"
The medication is for a fairly rare genetic bone disease that we both share and his Asperger medication for alertness. I believe that she has taken more than her share but also I believe my son is selling some of them at school as well since they are stimulants.
So there is a lot more To update..seeing my father who I haven't spoken to for 15 years (childhood trauma, hostile) who is dying and my mother but I will spare those details for now. I really feel at this moment in time, it might be good for me to detach for awhile not just mentally but physically. I found my self esteem swirling in the toilet bowl the other day and retrieved what I could.....I just hope it is enough...peace