just be flexible....you are doing great. don't get frustrated. he needs to figure his stuff out...giving some "loving" space and detach....
keep it up. you are doing really well. i'm proud of you!!!! make sure you GAL and keep working on yourself to improve the sitch. you are only 3 months in...things have improved tremendously during that period...remember that....think of it this way...you are a toddler learning to walk again....are you going to fall down? yup. are you going to walk furher? yup. you gotta walk before oyu can run...
keep it up...you are inspiring me!
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
thanks Neil- you really pick me up and inspire me too i am trying to just go with his flow .... can you tell me why he is taking so long ( i know its fast compared to most) but what do you think he is processing? i really think he wants to come back to me- one day.... i bet he has to totally turn his mind around- he wanted out and now he is realizing that he wants to stay...so he has to look at a bunch of his own stuff....i just hope he doesn't look too deep or get scared of himself and his stuff...why doesnt he just say F it- i want her back...we all have things to figure out- thats what life is all about....and it takes lifetime to figure it out-
so i am GAL'ing and just staying healthy and happy PMA..
also- i saw a girl friend friday night for a movie ( my H was with her boyfriend actually)...and i used to really like her company - and i do love her- but something has happened to her happy personality...it is there- but she isnt as happy - UNLESS- i have changed and i am only around positive things so any negativity is just so clear to see...it was weird...she is having a hard time- but the overall gist of her life was very unhappy...she hates her XH....scared of fights with her boyfriend...my H was with her boyfriend and my H just basically said the same thing- his friend is unhappy too...these are people my H was always around before they are both cops- so this negative influence is really dangerous....i know i am going through a rough time and maybe she felt safe opening up to me too...i am happy i saw it and he saw it too...i want positivity in my life- tat doesnt mean real stuff and bad days dont occur- but overall people should be optimistic...PMA for LIFE!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
people should be optimistic, I just had a long talk with my best friend (pessimistic in nature) and afterwards was ready to call it quits and was thinking about how i would tell her I am done too. then I decided to get a different view, went to talk to another fiend (optimistic) so much better, helped me to lift myself up just by listening and validating then I was able to see the weekend for what it was, lots of good, baby steps and what not, with a bit of bad and more of the same.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
can you tell me why he is taking so long ( i know its fast compared to most) but what do you think he is processing? i really think he wants to come back to me- one day.... i bet he has to totally turn his mind around- he wanted out and now he is realizing that he wants to stay...so he has to look at a bunch of his own stuff....i just hope he doesn't look too deep or get scared of himself and his stuff...why doesnt he just say F it- i want her back...we all have things to figure out- thats what life is all about....and it takes lifetime to figure it out-
not specifically, obviously, but i would venture to guess that he's afraid of falling back into the same old behaviors (you and him) that created this mess in the first place. I know, for my sake, that i want to make sure that these new behaviors are fully part of me before i jump back in with my W (once she decides that I am definitly changed.) Remember, time is your friend here....trust me.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
so my original goal date to have him home was August 1st...apprently that was too soon... now if i go by the common average on this board that says one month for every year of marriage...so that would be about 7 months~! april 21st bomb, moved out may 10th so i would set my new goal at November 1st. seems so far away... then i break down my steps into smaller pieces and the first thing that would happen to show me he is on the same page is that he would come with me to shasta or he would invite me on a short trip with him...that hasnt happened yet.
goals!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
another AHA moment for me today...i realize that since things have been progressing slowly with my H i was getting so frustrated and wanted everything to be back to normal so fast...although i wouldnt mind that, i also realized that i still want to make sure i have done all my GAL'ing and really gotten clear on my path ...there are still many things i want to do....and learn..so its ok if this takes more time. i am sort of releasing the control feeling i have been having lately...letting go again and staying the course...
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Good girl. Let me clarify something first tho...and not to sound harsh....its one month of CHANGE for every year of marriage...so for example.... in my sitch...even tho we've been separated just about 4 1/2 months now, i didn't start implementing the changes until the beginning of june..about 2 months after the sep....so if we go with that equation.....i'd expect my W and i to be back together by the beginning of december.
make sense? I hope/want it to be sooner, but that gives the changes enough time to become a permanent part of my nature.
and you've got the right idea tho....just keep plugging away.
it does suck being lonely tho...
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
