Ms. Imp and Her Magic Kumquat 2

[girlfromipanema]

I'm moving through my grief stages fairly quickly. Last week was "acceptance" and today I'm on to "anger."

My h initiated sex (AGAIN) in the middle of the night on Friday. I turned him down, of course. But his initiation got me curious. I've made it perfectly clear that I was no longer interested in that. I explained to him that I needed to feel a "connection" in order to enjoy it and that I understood if he could turn off his emotions, but I couldn't. I also previously mentioned that doing that with him gives me false hope and I am absolutely not interested in that.

So on Saturday morning I sent him a text asking him if he was messing with my mind, trying to fulfill his needs or ??? I told him that I was pretty numb, so he didn't need to worry about hurting my feelings, but I would like an honest answer, please. Of course, no reply and no conversation when I get home. Yesterday (as I'm packing) he asks when I am moving (duh, we've already talked about this. Helloooo... do you ever listen? Ever???) and I said (with a smile), "this week". Then he just looks at me and doesn't say anything. So I look away and continue with my packing. Finally he says something to the effect of him just getting "horny" in the middle of the night. I told him I appreciated his honesty and continued on with my work. BUT, OH MY GOD, I was shaking from my anger. How could he continue to use me that way?

Reading what I just wrote doesn't seem like I'm blowing things out of proportion, but I've been BENDING OVER BACKWARDS to save this B.S. marriage. I've given him so much of myself... and all with so much love. THIS is what I get in return? You get "horny"? PUKE.

Last week I was so full of compassion for him... worried about how he'll handle everything. What a damn fool I have been. I AM SO OVER HIM.

I'm being sweet as pie to his face, but if he could hear the conversation that's going on in my head...