Based upon the things you have said in your posts, she has NOT totally decided. Guilt is there, which means she isn't sure. She cries in church. She knows it is not right. She has waited so long to leave, again telling me there is doubt. She has said little things to you about "Then, we'll see,..." and things about stopping seeing the OM on her own. You said that you know your situation is different, and I agree. There is something there with you two.
You asked, "Why is my request of her to attend something with me that is supposed to possibly heal the marriage, going to change her mind and stop rejecting the marriage?" I'm not sure if it will change her mind, but you NEED to give her the information so she can make an informed decision. She needs to know that there is hope with your relationship and marriage and you need to know that you gave her that information.
She THINKS she is in love with someone else. She doesn't understand what love is, that you love her and that she can love you if she chooses to. She sees things and is deciding things without knowing what is really going on. If you can both get to retrouvaille, I would be totally shocked if she would make those same decisions.
That paragraph you wrote starting, "She is in love with..."...all of those decisions need to be verbalized to her so she can verbally say that is what she is doing. Help her see what she is doing. That is what you need to do. That is all you can do. She will ultimately make the decision, but you will regret never asking her to keep trying. Remember, she makes you fall to your knees. You love this woman. Fight for her with everything you got, and right now that is making her see what she is really deciding and giving her the information about Retrovaille.
Again, giving her the Retro info may not make her change her mind, but she needs to know this information and you need to know you gave it to her. ((((H4h))))))) You can do this. Whatever the outcome, you can do this.
