Love is a decision, commitment is a decision, forgiveness is a decision, .......I could go on. If she rejects the marriage, then she CHOOSES to not love you, commit to you, forgive you, keep the family together. Working on the relationship is something she never did when you put those rings in the box. She has been stalling on making a CHOICE.
wdid, tell me what your trying to say, because you just described my wife to a T. How can I fight this? I want desperatly to understand what you have been saying to me.
Why is my request of her to attend something with me that is supposed to possibly heal the marriage, going to change her mind and stop rejecting the marriage.
To me, she HAS decided.
It was guilt that just delayed it for so long. That and the fact that she had no job for so long. That and the fact that she was struck down with a stroke. That is also why she is not trying to rake me over the coals. That is why she no longer attends church. So and so on.
She is in love with someone else, plain and simple. She SEES nothing else. She has DECIDED to love someone else. She has DECIDED to commit to someone else. She has DECIDED to move out. She has DECIDED to break up the family. She has DECIDED to take her love away from me. She has DECIDED to bring heartache to my girls. She has DECIDED to reject our marriage. She HAS DECIDED to work on a relationship.
Unfortunatly, its just not with me.
I don't think she is fogged anymore.
Only time will tell now.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Based upon the things you have said in your posts, she has NOT totally decided. Guilt is there, which means she isn't sure. She cries in church. She knows it is not right. She has waited so long to leave, again telling me there is doubt. She has said little things to you about "Then, we'll see,..." and things about stopping seeing the OM on her own. You said that you know your situation is different, and I agree. There is something there with you two.
You asked, "Why is my request of her to attend something with me that is supposed to possibly heal the marriage, going to change her mind and stop rejecting the marriage?" I'm not sure if it will change her mind, but you NEED to give her the information so she can make an informed decision. She needs to know that there is hope with your relationship and marriage and you need to know that you gave her that information.
She THINKS she is in love with someone else. She doesn't understand what love is, that you love her and that she can love you if she chooses to. She sees things and is deciding things without knowing what is really going on. If you can both get to retrouvaille, I would be totally shocked if she would make those same decisions.
That paragraph you wrote starting, "She is in love with..."...all of those decisions need to be verbalized to her so she can verbally say that is what she is doing. Help her see what she is doing. That is what you need to do. That is all you can do. She will ultimately make the decision, but you will regret never asking her to keep trying. Remember, she makes you fall to your knees. You love this woman. Fight for her with everything you got, and right now that is making her see what she is really deciding and giving her the information about Retrovaille.
Again, giving her the Retro info may not make her change her mind, but she needs to know this information and you need to know you gave it to her. ((((H4h))))))) You can do this. Whatever the outcome, you can do this.
You know I love her. I WILL fight for her. I WILL give her the info. I just have to time it right.
The game plan has just changed some. I know what I want. EVERYONE does.
I want this woman that has broken my heart. That has betrayed me. That has broken my girls hearts. Broken my parents hearts. The hearts of all of our best friends.
I can't keep my composure. I HATE being here alone.
I just hate it.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 08/05/0812:40 AM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
Puppy, when I think about her and the OM together, my blood boils. But at the end of the day, my love for her is there.
When I THINK about what she has done, I waver. I think that HAS to be normal.
I hear friends and family tell me how she is not worth it and that I just need to move on.
I go through the motions. I have tried talking to other women. I feel pretty strong recently. I'm hoping that this seperation will help her 'see'. I'm PRAYING that it helps ME see. Tests me. I'm hoping it finds me NOT loving her like I thought I did.
I pray to God to help subside my love for her. If I love something, let it go.
So I did.
I let her go.
I don't want to be the kid that loved his butterfly so much that he couldn't let it go. Held it tightly in his hands. But its wings just disinegrated in his hands. Its beauty was gone because he couldn't let it go. It wanted to fly. He didn't want it to.
But your gonna hate hearing this.
I believe that I was MEANT to be her husband. That God put us together for something big. To be the ones to break our families cycles. We were the most UNLIKELY of people to get together.
She is what I am not. I am what she is not, but there is a little bit of us IN each other.
That is what my yin and yang sunburst on my shoulder represents to me. We were made for each other. Together making one. To take this journey and be the example for our children. I AM her rescuer. I AM her protector. I AM her life partner. I AM.....
for her.
Last edited by hopeful4her; 08/05/0801:13 AM.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
