The road goes ever on...

[jon2911]

The correct response is okay, I'll listen whenever you are ready!

More great advice. Wouldn't have thought of that.

Thanks so much everyone!

Had a fun time trying to explain DBing to my C today, especially the "no R talk" rule. He asked "so what are you both expecting from the weekend?" I told him I want to be her friend and have a good time.

He said it would be a good idea to communicate to her that I'm fighting and not giving up on the M. That's probably right, if I can avoid it turning into a big R conversation

[LolaL]

I think if the R comes up, then fine. But don't push the issue. I really believe that God provides the opportunity, and if you rush it, it makes things worse.

[ms ladybug]

Can we have a weekend update?

[jon2911]

I could write a book about this weekend. Just drove from Houston-Dallas this morning, and work is crazy. Might have time later tonight...

[ms ladybug]

Well I guess if you stayed an extra night, that must be pretty good?

[jon2911]

OK, here goes.

I arrived Friday night, and we had a nice dinner and began to watch a movie. The whole time W seemed detached, and was constantly texting. This kept happening as she sat next to me to watch the movie, and I noticed she was texting someone named Sean. I have no idea who this guy is, but it really pissed me off. I kept my mouth shut, because I knew she'd be ticked that I snooped. I didn't snoop intentionally, she was doing it right there in front of me.

We decided to go to the beach the next day, and went and had a great, relaxing time. W had packed a really nice picnic lunch, and the day was beautiful. We capped it off with a nice dinner.

But the whole time I was stewing. I thought her OM stuff was over with. Maybe moving out from her parents allowed her to start it all over again? W made a few statements during the day that really started to get to me. She was constantly picking at me and being critical, said "I know I have my own vices, but I just don't feel like working on them now. I'll work on them when I feel like it."

I appreciated her honesty. Again, how much further is rock bottom? She made a couple other statements like:

"You just make your decisions and go with it. That's why I'm so happy". She quickly realized I wasn't going to buy that, and said "well, most of the time."

She was scared that we might run into a friend who lives in Galveston (just happens to be an earlier OM), and I asked her what would be wrong with that. She said all her friends and family think we're completely done. There's only one friend who knows I'm visiting, and she thinks it's just for sex. That bothered me, and things started getting a little tense. She also got a phone call from her Aunt that was very revealing. I'll spend an entire post on that later.

We had a good ride back, but she could tell something was on my mind, and I finally told her. She made me to pack my stuff immediately and leave, that "this isn't worth it just for sex", that she would file for divorce as soon as she had her own benefits (good luck with that), etc. "Have a good time NOT leading worship tomorrow" she said, just to rub it in some more.

So there I was, stuck in Houston at midnight. Fortunately I have a friend there, and he offered a place to stay. W texted "don't contact me at all from now on except for an emergency". I said "done". I was so pissed. This is what I came from Dallas and took a Sunday off for? Great.

Just as I pulled into my friend's house, W called. She sounded softer. "So, you saw the text, and it made you angry the rest of the time?" I said yes. "Well, you treated me like that so many times. You were always on your laptop and ignoring me. And you didn't look nice when you got here. And I hate your truck."

At this point, I was done pussy-footing around. My motorcycle broke down last week, and I was forced to bring the truck. I ran out of time to do laundry. And I lost a lot of sleep this week wrestling over W and this music stuff. Bad DBing, I know, but I'd had enough.

I apologized for making her feel neglected during our marriage, but made it clear that I refuse to come to Houston and be treated this way. I mentioned her statement about her "vices", and told her it was time to be honest. We talked for the next four hours, and got a lot of stuff out in the air. I did a lot of apologizing, but really spoke my mind as well.

Surprisingly, this seemed to be exactly what W wanted. She admitted she'd been poking at me all day, trying to get a reaction. She actually wanted to hear my observations about her, her family, and the situation. She reacted to me bringing up family, and I said "if family is off-limits" (it always was before), this conversation won't work. It was great to be honest. We got to the same old "you'll never really change" stalemate, that my recovery group and counseling won't be enough, etc, etc. I'd had enough of that also. I told her I'm done talking about that, that I want to show her the changes and not talk any more. She said "OK, maybe we'll talk two months or so." And that was it. A couple months away actually sounded nice. I felt very done with playing her game, and if that meant D then so be it.

The next day I stuck around and hung out with my friend. W called unexpectedly around 1:00. She cried for the first 30 seconds, and I tried to soothe her and waited. "Why is this so hard?" She said. I said "I know, but I love you and I'm still in town if you want me to drop by". "What would that look like?" She asked. I told her that I just wanted to be nice, try out her new jacuzzi bathtub, and hold her. Her response: "how soon can you be here?" I bragged to my friend that the "two months" didn't last very long, and headed over.

We had a fantastic time, and some of the best sex ever. I was the doctor taking advantage of my nurse She's been asking for that for a while. We also hung out with her roommate for a while, watched Army Wives, and then tried out the tub. It was so nice, definitely a must when I buy her a house, and I told her that.

She made a couple of the "why is this the only thing that works?" comments, but by the end of the evening, she said "I guess our differences are pretty small things." I told her maybe we could spend time together every other weekend, and she seemed to agree. We'll see. I stayed the night and drove back this morning.

Today, there's a hurricane with Houston in the bulls-eye. I feel so sorry for them And her family drama keeps intensifying. Maybe she'll finally give up her game and evacuate back to where she belongs?

[ms ladybug]

Thanks for updating. She was really pushing your buttons. I'm glad she was able to admit it. It sounds like you did a GREAT job of apoligizing, but not backing down on. She has every right to hear that you're not going to put up with the way she talks to you. Good job!

[ms ladybug]

The evil me would have been inclined to grab her phone right before you left and send off a text to "Sean" saying:
"Whew. I'm tired. Had mind-blowing sex with my husband all weekend!"

But, that's the evil (insert evil laughter here), non-DB side of me, and would have likely set you back some.

[MichelleLT]

Sounds like a good weekend! Glad to hear you guys had some productive conversation and ML

[jon2911]

The evil me would have been inclined to grab her phone right before you left and send off a text to "Sean" saying:
"Whew. I'm tired. Had mind-blowing sex with my husband all weekend!"

But, that's the evil (insert evil laughter here), non-DB side of me, and would have likely set you back some.

Muahahaha. Exactly what I wanted to do. Is there an evil smiley on here? Couldn't find it.

Whoever this Sean guy is, I'm not worried about it. She won't find anyone better than me, and she knows it

ms b, our WAS's sure like to push our buttons, don't they?