KJO, Want him vs need him. Don't appear clingy or needy. Want him because you are worth it. One of the keys to DBing is taking responsibilty for yourself. You can't change him nor he you. You take care of yourself. Turn some music on and dance by yourself. Go on, no one is watching.
Of course you are scared, we all are. If what you are doing is not productive stop doing it, if it works keep doing it.
Quote:
My husband is a score-keeper. He knows everything I've ever done wrong and he can tell you, too.

He does not know everything you have done wrong. Only God does and he still loves you. If your H keeps scores that is his issue. This is not a game so who cares about the score. Remember you are not on the road alone. Lions and tigers and bears oh my! Lions and tigers and bears oh my!* You will survive.

* Coach's attempt at humor using Wizard of Oz reference.

M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12
Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.