Thanks, girls. I don’t know how self-aware or clear I really am, I’m just trying so hard to figure out a way to make this whole situation a positive instead of feeling like the biggest, most painful mistake of my life, that I have no choice in. And logically, I know it’s a huge mistake. I know that my M could be great if both H and I were willing to work at it. Sadly, I know that he will see that someday, I just hope that it doesn’t come too late for us. Cause, damn, SOME guy is going to be very lucky someday when I find my happy and have learned all about DB and ways to communicate where you actually don’t end up making things worse!
It’s weird how the stages of grief aren’t linear at all but rather you slip in and out of each one randomly, day to day. Sometimes I think I’m already at acceptance, and then today I slip back into denial—how much this all feels so unreal, like a nightmare that I just can’t wake up from.
I made an aggressive calendar last night of all the things I want to accomplish this month, set some personal goals. And the date that kept glaring out at me is August 13—my wedding anniversary. Should I ask H if he wants to do something on that day, maybe go out to dinner?
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
