Onward but not so Upward right now

[AnewAmy]

Not sure if I'm allowed to post the website on here anymore. If I'm wrong, I apologize and I won't do it again. It's http://www.meetup.com

Check them out for activities you're already interested in, or even things you've always wanted to do. I think the Divorce Care group is an excellent resource. Sometimes though, it's nice to not have to think about the BIG D for a few hours. I've checked it out for myself, but I live in an area that is too small and the closest meet ups are 2 hours away.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((((Mishka)))))))

You are not alone!

I think that taking care of a ill parent is one of the most noble things you can do. But it is also one of the hardest things you can do. It is so hard to remember that your life still has to go on. I think that between your mom and your son, you have been giving so much of yourself that there isn't much left for you. It's a fine line to walk, but I think you are right, you have to do more for yourself, and your mom will be ok. I'm thinking about whether there are any options to get you a little help, maybe without costing anything, or much. just to pick up a little of what you do. I can understand that she doesn't like being alone, but somehow that can't mean that you have to stay home all the time. You are right, start standing up for yourself!

[Lissie]

Where the Rockettes Play!

hahaha. I love that you have Rockettes Jeff.

cute.

[mishka422]

(((((Amy)))))))(((((((Jeff)))))))

Thank you so much.

Jeff, you're right about my mom. She will just have to be ok and understand that I can't live for her, I have to live for me. If I don't do that I won't be any good to either one of them.

I have checked into transportation services for her (which medicare would pay for) and she won't do it. I have even enlisted the help of my cousin's but she doesn't want them to pick her up either. She gets "outside of her comfort zone" and doesn't like it so she panics. AARRRGGGHHH!!!!

Amy - Thanks for the link! I'm going to have to check that out. Maybe I can find something near here. I live just outside of Atlanta but far enough into suburbia that most things here are very "soccer mom" oriented.

I would love to do yoga if I can find a way to afford it. I had to quit my gym which had yoga classes but I know our rec department used to offer yoga. I'll check further into it. I would take karate with my son but I'm WAY to out of shape for that right now and it's FAR too expensive. He would kick my sorry butt anyway. He's going to be testing for his black belt starting in September. I can't even hold his targets for him anymore because he knocks me across the room.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!

[AnewAmy]

Mishka - If you have a local community college. Check with them for yoga classes. I work at one here in Oregon and we offer several yoga classes and not just on campus. We have them at various outreach sites in other communities in our "college district".

We have a culinary institute where I work also, they offer community classes at different times throughout the year on different things like bread making, clam chowder, thanksgiving dinners etc.

Anyway, that might be another avenue for you to look into.

[Kalni]

Of course you are not alone and Thank God we can be around in turns. That's the beauty of this site, isn't it? There is always someone around to lean on (virtually) (and there is always Jeff to lean on, Jeff you are a Prince!).

You sound better, moving, breathing... That's all you need to do for now...
Love
K

BTW, being "a martyr" for your mom is not healthy or fair (for you). Change that!

[One Day]

Hey Mishka,

Just stopping by to see how you're doing. I agree with K and everyone else about not being a martyr to your Mum. Why not experiment with a 180- say you're going out and that she can either stay in, or you can arrange for her to go out with XXX or XXX. No option for you to stay in.

BTW, I notice that in an earlier post you said that 'she makes you feel guilty', (or something like that). Sorry if I sound like a broken record here, but the only person who makes you feel like that is YOU! Choose to not feel guilty, and to feel confident, assertive and worthy instead.

L. xx

[mishka422]

(((Amy)))(((Kalni)))(((Lisa))))

Lisa - BINGO! I know I make myself feel guilty. It's ingrained into me. I take her pitiful looks and whining comments and internalize them. I don't want her to suffer so I dump all my plans for her. Wrong, wrong, wrong! No more. I can be nice but I don't have to cow-tow to her.

My son is fine with me going out anytime. He occupies himself quite well and thinks it's great when I go out with a friend. I don't do it very often but at least once in a while.

Amy - We don't have community colleges here in the sense that most places do. It's really weird! We do have an extention of the closest state college and univ but they only offer "serious" courses. I just can't wrap my brain around that right now plus they are business courses only which I have NO interest in. I am looking at the rec department though as well as a local yoga studio that just opened not long ago that seems to have really good pricing.

Kalni - I am breathing better. I really know for certain now after my H put OW in front of me in the guise of "helping" me to move on that he is the BIGGEST DAM I have ever heard of! I would have prefered him to be mean and cruel instead of being twisted and thinking that confronting me with the catalyst of the destruction of my life would help! What an idiot! I don't like this man but I love him. Does that make any sense? NO! How do you stop completely? I just want it to go away! It's like all the memories I have of us, both happy and sad, are all tainted now. Even the good memories make me wonder if it was ever real. If he ever gave a flying flip. Oh well. I'll never know and it really doesn't matter, does it? I'll find my way alone and I'll find a way to thrive. I know SO many D'd women who have been alone for 15, 20, 30 years. I don't know how they survive the lack of human contact but they manage somehow. I'll find a way that doesn't involve batteries!!!

[MichelleLT]

(((Mishka)))

I am glad you are moving forward. I know EXACTLY what you mean about not liking him, but loving him. I still feel that way about my STBXH when I let myself wonder about him.

I think so many people stay alone because they do not want to chance being hurt again. While I can definitely understand building up that protective shell, that is not what I will choose to do with my life. Of course, there's always the problem of finding someone worthy since we are all F'ing FANTASTIC!!!

[mishka422]

Bah! You are F'ing FANTASTIC Michelle! I......not so much.

Just a plain Jane, overweight, boring woman who lost her youth to a man that never deserved the time of day. Yeah, that's me. Just lovely. At least I have a brain in my head.....most days.

I would just like to aim for interesting, not fantastic. How's that?

You have every reason in the world to keep from building that shell around yourself. You're so very young and have so much ahead of you. Embrace life Michelle. Never look back on what has happened. Chalk it up to an experience you won't repeat and move forward.

I really need to get to bed. My mind is whirring though so I thought I would pop in here first. Have to get up a 6am. I have a meeting all morning tomorrow which should be a little bit of heck! Wearing a lined business suit in 96 degree heat with 90% humidity is NOT my idea of a good time! This is going to be miserable!