Husband wants to reconcile again-try#4

[Jack_Three_Beans]

What did you mean by "birds" helping you to not go crazy? or is that just an analogy since they fly - (letting go)? I definetly felt like I let him go. He even said so himself when he came back to me that he actually felt like he was the LBS in the long run. He also thanked me for my unconditional love and for giving him the time and space he needed. However, I have heard this all before when He first came back to me after the first bomb. Hense, my fears.

I have so many fears when I give him space that he will go out and find another OW. I have fears that he will never want to live with me again, as he has giving me no such hope. He is talking about moving to a new apartment alone, and buying a camp alone as soon as he gets enough money. I never say anything like " well what about us living together or when". I just listen and validate. But it hurts to think that he doesnt want to create a future with me, and thats how it feels right now. He is still in ME-MODE.

Birds...

Let me be absolutely honest when I say that I didn't want my wife back. I didn't expect her to live up to her promise and within my boundaries, I trusted her to fail.

I was actually quite upset with her for several months for proving me wrong.

Your fear, I don't know but to me, I'm not sure that you really let him go. I am not afraid of her leaving even as I write this. Not because I don't think she would. (I don't) but because I know it woul dnot be the end of me. The end of 'us', yes. But I am NOT doing this again.

People pleaser, yes I am too. So I get that, but please yourself.

If you are afraid he is going to leave, then you have a leash around your neck and the other end is in his hands. Don't be afraid, Tipper. Him coming back, shouldn't be at cost to yourself, he should be working on your marriage with you, it SHOULD be conditional.

I am glad he is back, you should be too, but not without conditions or boundaries. You shouldn't be bowing and scraping in front of his triumphant return, thankfully grovelling in front of him.

You know?

You shouldn't be afraid to lose him, or you will lose yourself.