It DOES sound like you are still victimizing yourself and taking the blame.
That is the value of the pdf FIB is reading. Too often when we get here we tend to shoulder 100% of the blame and refuse to see our spouses as less than perfect.
What we need is to see them for what they are. And that is not easy b/c once we see their "faults" we tend to tear ourselves down even more - how was I so foolish to have married in the first place.
Over time we move to see that it was a 50-50 thing. It is not all about us nor is it all about them.
That is what the pdf is doing - moving FIB off the 100-0 (all his fault) to the 50-50 point.
No, the pdf does not apply to all but it does mirror what FIB is going through - so if it helps move FIB to 50-50 that is okay.
The trick is to settle at 50-50 so we don't forget what we learned. It is way too easy to conclude it was 'all about her' and forget what we learned about ourselves on this journey.
No one wants to land here again in the future. Plus what we learn in DB makes so much sense in other areas of our lives.
