Boy, Treese, you have your hands full. I think I would say as little as possible to MIL.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My MIL said she thinks it's horrible that my H is leaving everything up to me house wise (in the middle of major rennovation), kids, etc.I told her that really, this wasn't all that new. He checked out a long time ago when it came to helping me with things. Don't know that that helped, but I just assured her that I could handle it. She was also concerned by the way my H is treating me in public and around our kids (she watched him at a softball game when he let me carry enough things for 3 people to the car, when he had nothing)----says that S9 will learn how to treat women by the way his dad treats them.............ughhhhh!!!!!!!!
I'm sure the coach understands your D's committment and situation, and will do his best to make sure she makes the team. She doesn't deserve any more disappointments.............
And, you know I understand the need to vent....
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Wow--it is so obvious when they are thick in the fog of things. Here you were carrying a million things and he just acts like whatever.......
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese you are really holding it together well with all that is going on. I really doubt though they don't see or will someday see.
I know that my h sees my efforts. He doesn't vocalize it much, but see him trying to help more and more. It's not like we are going to get a trophy for our efforts, but I feel reaching out to others and being strong will pay off in the end.
Hang in there!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Di....I did the same thing for baseball...I loaded the car by myself....the grill....the chairs....the cooler....everything...and my H got here and called me a martyr...are you kidding me....someone had to do it....I wasn't looking for brownie points or just doing it to tick him off...we had to get rolling and H wasn't here...he was coming from OW's house and he was late....
I usually carry it all.......now I just do it out of habit...someone has to be the adult here....
And I have't talked to MIL in a while....worried she can't handle anything else in her life....her other son was on house arrest since about February...he just cut off the ankle lock and ran....we don't know where he is.....
H texted me wanting to know how tryouts went and I explained what happened and told him we prayed about it....never heard from him after that....funny how the word "pray" makes them nervous.....
and son is complaining about his ears again...grrrrrrrrrrrrr....I want to run away.......
I do worry sometimes that my son is learning that its okay to walk out on your family....that its okay to let the one you love cry all the time....but then I have been teaching my son to respect adults and hold doors for girls and be kind....I hope he follows my footsteps....
D16 is quite worried now about the team....unfortunately the coaches know of her committment but it really doesn't matter...we will find out on Wednesday....I told D16 to pray for strength and courage...that God will be right there with her carrying her.....she said, "I know"....all she can do is her best...she's a great kid....
Glam.....really I'm not holding it together very well....I put on a good front....it's tearing me apart inside but I have learned a little from GAL while my son was gone....I felt so free that week...it did feel good.....it's just that seeing my H sends me into another world....I look at him and miss him so much and I want to hug him and tell him IL him but I can't ....Huhhhhhh
Last edited by Treese; 08/04/0808:29 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Hang in there Treese...it sounds like on the outside you are going to win the Golden Globe! I know you are hurting on the inside and it's hard not to let that show through...but I think you are doing really well!
You are tough, patient and comitted...you are strong, you are invincible....wasn't that a Helen Reddy song? I am woman...Hear me roar!
GRRRRRRR!
Hugs
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Kids will not necessarily learn that it is okay to walk out on a family, they will learn that it is not okay because they see first hand what it does to the family.
I would not necessarily jump to the conclusion that they see this and think it is okay, they don't.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Help me deal with the fact that when H comes to pick up the kids they act like it's no big deal----like something they've done for years. And, if you can help me with that, help me understand why I still feel like I need to bend over backwards to make his visits on his schedule......urghhhhhh.........why do I have to be the one alone!!! (can you tell he has the kids tonight??)
You know I truly must be insane, after pulling all the weight around here for years, and knowing about OW............and I would still take him back.............
I hope my kids don't see this as ok---------although they seem to act like it. Maybe it's H's influence---and the way he can act like everything is just A.O.K.!!!!!!!! We just live in separate houses....................
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Help me deal with the fact that when H comes to pick up the kids they act like it's no big deal----like something they've done for years. And, if you can help me with that, help me understand why I still feel like I need to bend over backwards to make his visits on his schedule......urghhhhhh.........why do I have to be the one alone!!! (can you tell he has the kids tonight??)
You know I truly must be insane, after pulling all the weight around here for years, and knowing about OW............and I would still take him back.............
I hope my kids don't see this as ok---------although they seem to act like it. Maybe it's H's influence---and the way he can act like everything is just A.O.K.!!!!!!!! We just live in separate houses....................
These kids are caught in the middle. What you can do is handle this in a dignified way. Share with them your beliefs. Like with my kids, they know what the Bible says, what our beliefs are but they in no way are in agreement with what their dad did or is doing. They say if he wants to mess up his life, then it is his choice.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Di.....wow......like I keep telling you....our sitches are so similiar..right down to the ages of our kids...
my H did the same thing....he still does....he would come over like we hadn't been together for years....I would cry and go to my room....all he did and still does is take my son places....the movies...bowling....wherever is fun....H just took son overnight for the first time in six months a few weeks ago and then when son got bored he brought him home...Disney Dad..and my H would say..."as long as the kids know we love them and they have two parents they will be fine"....Unhuh...that's why his girls haven't spoken to him in months...now how did that work out for him....they just aren't thinking beyond themselves....I am totally convinced that my H is so caught up in the OW and himself...he doesn't even know what goes on here at the house...at all.....
why we would take them back is because we love them...because we are family and because God says no to divorce....that He can reach into our H's hearts and lead them home where they belong...
my son got sick AGAIN yesterday on top of my D16 being sick...I think I'm going insane...I started talking to myself yesterday..LOL!!Son had a fever of 101 and another ear infection...so I texted H to tell him....NO RESPONSE....I should know better by now but I thought he might want to know...anyway H didn't even call the house to talk to son to see how he was....maybe he was afraid I'd ask for help...which I wouldn't...I'm doing it by myself...I'm crazy at times but I'm doing it....
Kids are smarter than we think.....they will someday know who took care of them...who was there when they were hurt, crying..or just wanted to talk....it may not seem like it now but I know with my girls..I'm already being rewarded....
Hang in there....follow my sitch cause you're right behind me....as a matter of fact....are we married to the same man?
(((hugs)))
Last edited by Treese; 08/05/0811:48 AM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
