You know I can honestly say I dunno if I am up for battle. I dunno how much longer I can keep pushing against someone who seems to not want the gifts I freely give from my heart. Or just doesnt want to be happy or wants for me to be perfect. Or thinks he can read my mind.
Apparently now I give sympathy oral sex just b/c I have my period. And then when he told me that he goes down 75% of the time I wanted to puke. I told him I didnt know he kept a tally for I didnt. I told him not to do me any favors if he was going to throw it in my face later.
Also that it was amazing to me that suddenly he was a mind reader and knew I was giving a sympathy BJ~. When it wasnt like that at all, but if he wasnt going to accept the gift .... ....it was on him.
..... then I said.
I told you about this before how you never accept the things I do. You always analyze why I do it and I somehow never do it cause I want to I only do it cause you like it?
And then he brought up.... ( his Family in Mexico )
OH YOU ARE JUST LIKE THEM WANTING ME TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU..
WTF?
I replied... ACTUALLY I VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU, Are going thru but dont lump me in on that.You are so mean.
I PUT IN YOU IN WITH THEM CAUSE YOU ARE ACTING JUST LIKE THEM, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU POOR YOU.. WTF???????????????????????????
I then said...
” hey I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me, I am not looking for your sympathy I am just talking to you and trying to get you to see what I mean. and that you never accept the good you focus on the bad all the time.
H~ CAN YOU SHUT THE [censored] UP AND LET ME SLEEP?
Can I be honest with you all? I think I am really sacred I am ready to close up shop???
I dunno how much more I can take? I feel like I am paddling upstream there was a tiny break and now I have to start paddling again? I am tired of having to prove I am not the enemy?
And why has it always been that when I give him oral sex somehow I do it cause he likes it and I find no enjoyment in it?
I told him tonite well if the BJ~ this morning was fake [censored] I should go to Hollywood cause damn I am a great actress then. You have got to be kidding me?
I feel fed up and like I want to run real far in the other direction. I dunno if I can keep being the strong one here. I just want to live HAPPILY AND IN PEACE. Is that really to much to [censored] Ask?
Sorry guys , I feel like crying and yet I am more angry and HURT than anything,,,, ~Ali
I wrote this last nite after or discussion...
I am calmer now everyone but I feel just hurt.
Hubby keeps asking me whats wrong... I am feeling exhausted. My Anemia is worse than ever and I feel like he is always going to see the glass half full like I will never do enough to fill him up????????????
Also he is trying to be supportive when I am tired but he is being a smart a** more than supportive . I do think it is difficult for himto see me like this. It comes and goes in waves. Some days are good and others I feel so tired I even frustrate myself....
help..... I feel overwhelmed to be honest... and just a few weeks ago he said he really didnt like BJ anymore when I was "climbing the walls". I am confused????????????? Yuck.... GUYS?
he is acting like he said nothing to me last nite??????????????????????????
it is good it means we are well differentiated but I feel very down. Also... he does keep saying ( last nite when we discussed this)
I am not trying to hurt you ... take it how you want it.... I am just letting you know you never give me BJ~ and you just did it cause you have you period!!!!!!!!!!
Is that guy talk ? I felt that was very rude?? ~Ali
Ali - He must really have the family stuff still swirling around in his head. It's the only thing that makes sense. He doesn't know what he has with you. Most guys don't get anything at all (me included) during that time of the month. And if you truly enjoy doing this for him then he's has to have a screw loose right now.
I can really empathize with you right now Ali because it is so frustrating to feel like you are in a one-sided relationship. When you are the one trying to give all of the time it does really try your patience waiting for your spouse to appreciate what you are putting into it. It takes a lot to give love unconditionally and it takes strength to give it to someone who is being so stubborn about even receiving it from you.
He must see how blessed he is to have you in his life. I hope my wife will one day see how blessed she is to have me in her life. We have to keep giving to them even when it seems that they don't want us to. It is up to them to see it for what it truly is. Inside of us we know it is a gift, which is the truth, if they choose to reject it, that is up to them. It IS still a gift which cannot be changed by the way that they perceive it.
Thanks Cinco... heck I dont even understand myself at this time of the month sometimes. I can see now that I also could just take what he says with a grain of salt.
....yet I am more and more getting frustrated with this than anything.
I feel like a rose and I think he sees a dandelion as far as effort goes anyway.
As far as the oral thing,,, he has always had this feeling of I am only doing it to please him. I actually enjoy it tremendously. We have talked about this back and forth and looked at it inside out and upside down...???
I cannot seem to convince him I am doing it for my enjoyment. I too have often felt this way and know it has nothing to do with him they are my issues... and ah the issue thing.
Only I have them... it is an American thing!~
I have gotten him to see x, y or z but this subject is just *&&^%%$#$%^^&?!
I keep wrestling with do I keep doing them? Do I take a break? and when he wants to give me oral do I say no thanks?
My mind is going nuts and yeah the hormonal thing I guess isnt helping at this time. Thanks Cinco.. you made me smile.
I guess I felt like I was doing so well and yeah I know it is just one comment but I was proud of myself and he made it seem like it was contrived....
Oh well just venting.... just thinking out loud it has always helped me in the past.
I think I also felt I could take a little break and just be and now I see I cant ....
also he complained like "yeah sure "
when I said I was horny the other day... he has been spending oodles of time outside "hanging out" or going out with the CREW! So I said "how would you know when I dont even get 5 minutes with you?"
Sorry guess I feel like a hot mess like my girlfriend in Florida always says.
I love him but he still has the ability to confuse me! ????????????? ~Ali
You know I am still baffled by his reaction..... still in awe of that I am giving him what he asked for and it is still not enough.
he even went out again and I gave him this gift when he woke up. WTF? he went out Saturday nite and he FIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNAAALLY! woke up yesterday around 11 am and I was there. I had done 100 things by that time but I was there when he woke up and gave him breakfast in bed... and now it turns out I was just doing it for him?
Ali - Here's one of the songs you ought to load on your ipod to get you in the mood and dancing. You may even already have this CD. I know you'd like it if you don't, it's really good. It's one of my favorite albums BTW. You can imagine your H singing it to you, if you can't imagine that then well... something's seriously wrong with that man of yours.
Los Lonely Boys (album same name) Year: 2003
Senorita
I've got to say there's something on my mind About the way you've been for a long long time You've got your mind set up on what your going to do Let me tell you baby Momma didn't raise no fool
You're my little senorita .....mas bonita You got it going on hey hey hey
Momma warned me about a girl like you Said a girl like that is gonna break your heart in two Your sexy legs and hair and nasty looking walk Stop right there Momma you know that's what I want
You're my little senorita...mas bonita You got it going on hey hey hey
Enjoy, I know you could use some cheering up right now.
Thanks you actually made me cry. How sweet you are.
My H just yesterday was singing Baby I love your way... Peter Frampton. ( to me )
I am listening to Al Green... Lets stay together! Right now.
And yeah I do have that album LOS LONELY BOYS..but it isnt on my ipod. My favorite of them is How far to heaven... Dont know the exact title it has been awhile since I played it. Will work on that~ putting it on my ipod... God bless you Cinco... ~Ali
he has been spending oodles of time outside "hanging out"
Ali,
My H and I split briefly once before. When he came home I made a very big effort on the ML front (b/c I recognised I hadn't done for a long time and it was one of his gripes). Anyway like your H mine spent a lot of time outside. It even used to take him all day to clean his car inside and out! So one day whilst he was finishing up (as in getting showered after being in the garage all day) I found a clean pair of overalls of his and put them on (and only them!) Then I went into the garage and called H making out that I needed his help to find something that he had tidied away that day. Boy was he in for a surprise when he came into the garage. He'd never seen me before in overalls and killer heels ;). We closed the door and well the rest I'll leave up to your imagination. Suffice to say that it was a while before he spent all day cleaning his car again.
Now clearly something went wrong again b/c he's not been gone 31 months but I still cherish moments like those. I think I've given up hoping I will ever be able to recreate them with my H again but who knows.
This was a rambled post to say play him at his own game (in a fun way) and NEVER EVER stop trying (as I know both H and I did).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I feel overwhelmed to be honest... and just a few weeks ago he said he really didnt like BJ anymore when I was "climbing the walls".
