Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

Hi BH,

Thanks. Actually as I type this I am sitting in the house with H. Why? Well he's going on a business trip this afternoon, and I'll be staying for 3 nights to watch the pets. We've been in the same house for a few hours now. It's been OK, as usual no deep conversation but talking about books, TV shows etc. I did briefly bring up a session in Boulder again with Michelle. This is the one contentious area that I really do want to push anyway, but am trying really hard to do it carefully.

We watched a movie together, and this was fine. I took the dogs for a walk, and I hung out with him while he asked advice on different shirts to wear with his suits. He went to take a nap though (personally I think he's exhausted from my company), wants to sleep for 30 minutes before he goes. It is all I can do not to crawl in bed with him, and until I saw your post, I was going to...However even if I got my way, I think this would set him back a good bit, and be seen as manipulative.

Yes the time frame thing is killing me. I am someone who really likes order and things to be scheduled. I completely agree though that even several years of hard work is worth it for a renewed lifetime commitment--just not sure if H will see it the same way. My time frame is more about the physical separation. I think I can handle anything, well almost, as long as we are in the same house. So I really want to get to ways for him to see that I can be supportive and let him work on his own stuff when I get back, even if I am still under the same roof.

You may be right about H suffering from depression. The positive thing there though is that he is doing healthy things, i.e. lots of exercise, and speaking to a DB coach (not to save the marriage, but just for individual support). I hope that these things will help get him back on the right, i.e. happy, track again.

Honestly your situation sounds extremely difficult, extremely trying. I am really impressed by how strong you seem now, and the fact there you're still here posting and giving support!

ITH