I love this song and it means so much to me. I heard it for the first time the day after my H moved out.
Brian--you are doing good my friend and I agree with Ian--just listen and let her know you are listening. Do not kiss her butt all the time, even if it is genuine. Sometimes, we just want to KNOW we are being heard.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
God how I hate texting so hard to read when you can't hear the voice inflection hard to know how to respond sometimes, guess I just put my faith in knowing her & god...
It was positive just for that fact she is thinking...
(((Bri))), Wow. Just Wow ! I'm so thrilled to hear that she is going to C. You are doing totally awesome. When you said you just followed her lead....I got the biggest smile on my face. That's sooooooooooo GREAT !!!
You're right on about so many things. Her needing control, really isn't about now, it's about the past. She's still testing you on things too. Her comment where she says something about divorce (I tried to find it, but couldn't, & it's late)...she wants to know you're not going anywhere.
...where you saw it getting too close for comfort, & knew she'd back up...Wow !
Take a deep breath. I want you to brace yourself & not be caught off guard.
She may get worse before she gets better. The only way through it is through it. There ain't no short cuts. She may stop C several times, & start again. It's okay. The goal is her getting better, right ?
When her stuff starts surfacing, she may go back to old coping techniques. Be ready for it, so it doesn't freak you out. She may act like a zombie for a few days after each C appointment. That's normal.
You're right about the fishing/lake comment being a cry for help. As gently, subtly, tactfully, as you can, after C ask if she mentioned that to the C. She probably wont until a level of trust has been established.
It's normal for her to want the pain to go away, it's normal to have those kind of fleeting thoughts. It's a warning sign if she starts making plans or giving stuff away. If her mood elevates drastically, & she seems happier than she's been in a long time, or she seems very relieved & calm, all the sudden, stay very close by, okay ? Even if it pisses her off.
I hope I'm saying this right, I don't want to scare you. I don't think she's thinking this way, I just feel obligated to mention this. It's my police department training, I feel like I have to say something, even though I don't suspect she's thinking that way. Clear as mud ? Ugh ! I wish they'd allow PM's.
You should be really proud of how far you've grown in a very short time. You're really doing amazing !!
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
