Trying ... well if you can call it that, I guess.

[Abbey]

Thanks for the link... I'm finding the strength to read through the roller coaster she's been on.... oddly, I've had a weird week emotionally, not sure if I'm coming or going, ya know? I know that reading her thread, is a preview of what I'm going to have to do... I'm not sure how close I am to running for the hills and not being able to do it at all... or peeking into that realm and see if I even think I could do it right now. I know... on a good day I can eventually do this. On a bad day... I dunno... makes me want to go find my own cave with my critters and put up a barbed wire fence.

Anyhoo... I broke "dark" this week. I resisted three attempts by the H, but the 4th caught me off guard and we went "out". I flatly rejected any of attempts to see each other,... so I get a call from him to ask "my advice" of any good shows he could see. WTF? (at first I thought he had completely lost his marbles and was asking me so he could go out with her!?!... but alas, nothing sinister like that... it was good that I didn't go off on him then, eh? :)) He hadn't been successful with his other attempts to "grab a bite" or what have you over the last week... so I have to give him points for what this seemed like - a more creative attempt through the side door.

Me: I haven't seen anything.. been renting DVDs.
H: Ah, you didn't go see that one you were talking about? With Harrision what's his name?
Me: No, figured I'd wait for DVD.
H: So.... what have you been up to? (my note: I've resisted even chit chat... all business).
Me: Not much... studying, working out etc.
H: What are you taking again? (my note: I've been PURPOSELY vague in not answering his question about this... I do not want him knowing what I'm taking until I'm though with the courses. I don't want him in one of his MLC's down swoops to deflate my energy and my resolve to do it).
Me: Math,... some computer courses. (my note: this is the 3rd time in 4 days he's asked curiously about this).
H: You'll be finished soon?
Me: No... not til November.
H: Oh.... pause... I was thinking about grabbing a bite... you eaten?
Me: Yeah. About an hour ago.
H: Oh.... uhm.... I was thinking of going to grab a big burger, haven't eaten junk food for a while... then maybe I would do a movie...
Me: you just wanted me to go eat with you only?
H: No...(he chuckled) do you want to go to a movie?... I'm online looking at times... have you heard of any of these, the Harrison Ford movie starts too soon.
Me: The Dark Knight....

We met at the resto ... was quite pleasant, chatty, etc... he noticed I'd lost weight, told me I looked good. Gossiped about the "Paton Place" where he's still living etc etc. He was particularly critical about the same people he seemed to like only a few months ago. He said he was doing an activity that he'd all but not done all summer. (my note: Good, breaking away from the hold the OW has on him... doing his own thing again etc). At the movie he didn't walk away from me like the last fiasco ... instead he tried to entice me into junk food... even bought extra in case I changed my my mind. Through the movie, he didn't move away like he used to when his leg touched mine, even has his arm,/back of his hand resting against the outer part of my leg well over ten or 15 times during the show. He'd stay like that for about 5 minutes and then would shift positions. Then he'd lean his hand/arm on my side of the seats touching me etc.

This was ...at least I think so... hope so ... one of those peeping his head out of the gopher hole times that MLC's go through. (Any opinions?) I was pleasant, friendly, unassuming, (ate 2 pepcid a/cs just to get through the "date".)

We hugged when we said goodbye. It was pleasant.

Hmmm... something else... During the time at the resto, I applied the "tell little secrets about yourself" things we used to do with one another before and got one of his, in kind. I now fall asleep with the radio on... said I had to go buy a radio with snooze so it would shut off after I feel asleep. This was something that he liked to do when we were together, but I had requested we not do because he'd sleep through it and I'd have to get up and turn off the radio on his side of the bed etc. He told me he now leaves the TV/music channel on when he goes to bed... loud he said. WTF? I know one thing... he's not good with "alone". He also said he goes grocery shopping at the local 24 hour mart at 1 am or whatever.

Now... I really AM starting to wonder if it was him in his car a few times driving past my place.

All this amidst the OW moving out on her husband... but not into my house from all accounts so far. (I would doubt he'd ask to go to a movie 2 days after she moved in, right?)

Wonder if she knew he was with me last night? *tongue in cheek*

I know, I know,... I knnnnnnnooooooooow... I'm going to have to have an affair with my own husband... Isn't that the very first thing I said when I first found this place?... (swallows another pepcid)

Abbey