He doesn't ask about your girls because he knows he has really hurt them.
If I had to say who was/is hurt the most by what my H has done, it would have to be the girls for many reasons. He avoided them on and off because of his actions in front of them.
He would have never done those things in front of S17 which is why I think it has been easier to be around S17.
This really is a mental illness, imo.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I know you're right SF....you always hit the nail on the head...
Today I went to the pool with my son....H texted me from where her was asking me if I made it home okay....from picking up my D16 at D21's....I texted back saying I hit a storm had to pull over but I did it....and told him D15 was sick AGAIN! Never got anything back but I didn't expect to....heaven forbid we would engage in a few texts back and forth...it's against the rules of MLC and OW...
Anyhow...when I got home D16 was crying she was so sick so in the car I got with her and took her to urgent care....spent 4 hours there...they tested her for mono...negative...thank God...she has volleyball tryouts on Monday....then the doctor came in and said that she was a very sick pup....she still had strep..it never went away...and she is not to tryout on Monday...gave her a shot and more antibiotics....so D is crying about tryouts....I have to call the coach to see if she can do an extra day....and all while H is out having the time of his life....ya know...this is when I get very angry.....I love my kids and I will do it all for THEM but he just floats in and out of here like its nothing....I think MLC is harder on the LBS...I'm exhausted.....really....trying to keep this PMA up and act like I'm just happy as a lark so it looks like ive moved on...well....I havent....I'm stuck....I'm better but it sucks...totally....I'm being pulled in every direction...
Sorry....just hitting me wrong tonight....I'll be better tomorrow...I didn't even get to eat today....grrrrr.......probably why I'm so angry.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese I totally hear you. I can't even get a hold of my h. I need him to watch the kids earlier than normal tomorrow and not a peep from him. Not sure what tomorrow will bring.
When is it my turn to go off and do whatever and have no responsibilities? Can I sign up?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Treese: I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. I had mono several years ago. Not fun at all but I am glad she is negative.
Yes, it is exhausting for you. Two years ago the kids and I came down with very bad colds. We were all in bed much of the time for a few days. S17 would never let me tell anyone this but he felt so sick, that he crawled into my bed and slept there! Then the next night, one of the girls did the same........
I really did not mind it was like they were little again.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
As your H continues on his MLC way of life, you will find that you will be left holding down the fort for just about everything. It is exhausting, trust me, I know.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi everyone....well D16 is feeling a little better thank you....
I talked to her coach tonight to give her a heads up on how she is feeling...
H just stopped by to get his car....forgot to put something in it...I thought he wasnt coming until tomorrow...must have needed it pretty bad...He went upstairs to see son and my heart immediately started pounding....then he went down to see D16...not down there long and came up and kind of slammed her door....she didn't speak to him...what do I do? It breaks my heart that my family is so torn apart....
He was leaving and I asked him to help me carry some of the trash out and he did...in the pile was a victoria secret bag...
then he took the can down to the curb....he then mentioned that my D21 start taking over her car payment..(the wheels are spinning)...I'm sure the D is getting closer....he is going through everything to make sure he has money to live....then he got in the car and said bye and I said bye....
I went in the house straight to my closet and started crying....geez....when does the crying stop....if I see him I cry...I was sobbing though....thought I was getting better but maybe not....then my D16 came up and I didn't see her and she looked at me and started to cry....I know she is hurting and loves her dad and it is breaking my heart....I called my mom and was crying....of course she said I've got to somehow move on....and I said,. "I still love him"....she said, "I know you do"....
Is there anything I can do about my D16 and talking to her dad....I do feel bad about that....and I know he has got to be hurting over that even though he doesn't say anything about it...
I know this is a long and winding road but I am tired....exhausted....I just want my family back....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Oh, Treese, I am sorry but it will get better for you.
Do not assume he is going to divorce you. You don't know that.
As for your daughter and not speaking to him. There is nothing you can do. This is between her and her dad. He is going to have to eventually listen to her and allow her to vent. It will happen one day. But like I said, you will not be able to control that. He knows what he is doing is wrong and he has to face his kids about his actions one day.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Treese - I had a good visit. It was odd at first, being there without H. H's best friend has been my friend since the beginning of our R---29years ago, and his wife as well. He made himself scarce so his wife and I could talk----and I gave her an ear full,right or wrong. It felt good to let it out. It felt good to be validated by an old friend that also knows H.
Reluctantly (because of the awkwardness), I called H's mother and asked if we could have dinner together. She was thrilled! We ate and after the kids went to the other room, we talked for a long time. I don't know that the kids didn't listen to some of it, but we tried to be discreet. Seems when she visited our house last (a few weeks ago)............I left early to get D15 to a softball tournament. H and S came later. I asked if MIL left and he said yes. MIL says he waved goodbye to her and left. He didn't hug her goodbye (ALWAYS DOES),he did not wait to see if her car started (she is 66), he just waved and left. She was extremely hurt. I tried to explain as much as I can. I told her that what he's going through right now is all about him, that there is NOTHING she can do, and it is NOTHING about her. I did not tell her about OW, and don't plan to. I just tried to explain enough about MLC so she would understand. She said she was just sure the way he was treating her that he just hated her and that she would never see the kids again. He is her only son----and we are all she has. She has been thinking she would just be alone...........
I was so glad I went. So glad I stopped by. S9 and D11 spent the night with her Saturday. When I picked them up I told her to call anytime and told her she could visit any time as well. I think she was very relieved, but still mourning the loss of her son................We've never had so much in common.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Di....the similiarities of our sitches is so scary.....my H won't talk to his best friend of 40 years and mine of 30 because his best friend has been talking to me....isn't that sad....they have been friends since kindergarten...but his best friend was there for me....that is who I went to a long time ago before I found this board and all the DBing stuff.....he still calls and checks on me....i love them...he and his wife....all of us have been friends for quite a long time....and they both know who OW is cause we all went on vacation together....isn't that nice...BLAH!!!!
My MIL is struggling right now also....H's brother has been in and out of jail for drugs....its very sad.....and his mom is going to be 73 but wont let son fall on his own...he is 41...I understand because it is her son but she is killing herself...she is worried about him...about H and I....it's taking its toll on her health....Im worried something will happen to her....my H doesnt even realize that I'm the one who has been there for his entire family all these years....h's mom called me at 3 in the morning one night wanting to take a bunch of pills and end it all....I'm the one who talked to her for 3 hours to keep her busy.....and H's sister is struggling too...because of all this crap...doesn't feel as though she even has a family right now....I talk to her all the time ...she is my best friend....I talked to her yesterday and she is very depressed.....again...I am the one taking care of them....not that I feel that I have to or want a pat on the back...it is just the person that I am....I give....I take care....I love my family....and H doesnt even see that.....that's the sad part....I've have taken such good care of him that maybe he expected it....I dont' know....but you see a little background of why maybe my H went off the deep end....his mom is mad at H and his sister because of their brother....screwed up....they can't help him...he's 41 and has to fall on his own...kind of like our H's.....they have to crash on their own and in time I think they will....who knows....
anyway sorry to go off on this but I had to vent....
D16 went to volleyball tryouts this morning and the coach told her not to do anything today becuase she was just at the doctor...she called crying....this will affect her tryout....everyone....I need help with prayers....my D has been through so much and feels like everything is going wrong...she has worked very hard for this team and I want her to do her best...she will be out there tomorrow trying to impress the coaches and make up for today....if you all have a spare moment in your prayer closets please ask for strength and courage for her....thanks so much....
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
