You know I can honestly say I dunno if I am up for battle.
I dunno how much longer I can keep pushing against someone who seems to not want the gifts I freely give from my heart. Or just doesnt want to be happy or wants for me to be perfect. Or thinks he can read my mind.

Apparently now I give sympathy oral sex just b/c I have my period. And then when he told me that he goes down 75% of the time I wanted to puke. I told him I didnt know he kept a tally for I didnt. I told him not to do me any favors if he was going to throw it in my face later.

Also that it was amazing to me that suddenly he was a mind reader and knew I was giving a sympathy BJ~.
When it wasnt like that at all, but if he wasnt going to accept the gift ....
....it was on him.

..... then I said.

I told you about this before how you never accept the things I do. You always analyze why I do it and I somehow never do it cause I want to I only do it cause you like it?

And then he brought up.... ( his Family in Mexico )

OH YOU ARE JUST LIKE THEM WANTING ME TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU..

WTF?


I replied...
ACTUALLY I VERY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU, Are going thru but dont lump me in on that.You are so mean.

I PUT IN YOU IN WITH THEM CAUSE YOU ARE ACTING JUST LIKE THEM, LIKE I AM SUPPOSED TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU POOR YOU..
WTF???????????????????????????

I then said...

” hey I am not asking for you to feel sorry for me, I am not looking for your sympathy I am just talking to you and trying to get you to see what I mean. and that you never accept the good you focus on the bad all the time.


H~
CAN YOU SHUT THE [censored] UP AND LET ME SLEEP?

Can I be honest with you all?
I think I am really sacred I am ready to close up shop???

I dunno how much more I can take?
I feel like I am paddling upstream there was a tiny break and now I have to start paddling again?
I am tired of having to prove I am not the enemy?

And why has it always been that when I give him oral sex somehow I do it cause he likes it and I find no enjoyment in it?

I told him tonite well if the BJ~ this morning was fake [censored] I should go to Hollywood cause damn I am a great actress then. You have got to be kidding me?

I feel fed up and like I want to run real far in the other direction.
I dunno if I can keep being the strong one here. I just want to live HAPPILY AND IN PEACE.
Is that really to much to [censored] Ask?

Sorry guys , I feel like crying and yet I am more angry and HURT than anything,,,,
~Ali

I wrote this last nite after or discussion...

I am calmer now everyone but I feel just hurt.

Hubby keeps asking me whats wrong... I am feeling exhausted. My Anemia is worse than ever and I feel like he is always going to see the glass half full like I will never do enough to fill him up????????????

Also he is trying to be supportive when I am tired but he is being a smart a** more than supportive . I do think it is difficult for himto see me like this. It comes and goes in waves. Some days are good and others I feel so tired I even frustrate myself....

help..... \:\( I feel overwhelmed to be honest... and just a few weeks ago he said he really didnt like BJ anymore when I was "climbing the walls".
I am confused????????????? Yuck....
GUYS?

God bless..
~Ali