1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.. Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.... .. Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FL ATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n. Female..... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
ALL
"Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!"
. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.... .. Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
Uh uhhh
Hey Kev! How you doin?
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I don't blame you. I wouldn"t touch that one either.
ALL,
Useful info. Thanks for contribuing to the academic environment I try to foster on this thread.
Karen,
I'm doing well overall. Been fighting the blahs, lonliness.....depression. Whatever you want to call it. Mostly because I've been so tired from running 9-0 for the last month.
Although I won the legal battle with XW over names and such, I don't know if I'll ever win the hearts and minds of my kids. Even better, I shouldn't have to.
I called S8 on the way to church this morning. I wanted to say Hi and ILY and all that. I also wanted to find out when his next football practice would be to see if I might be able to come watch.
He inquired to XW about his practice as I listened over the phone. It went something like this: "Mom, can Kevin come to my practice on Monday?"
Kevin. Mind you, my name is Kevin. My son refers to me by my Christian name when I'm not in his presence. I have to assume that he calls his step-dad, Dad.
I know that my ego is getting in the way on this stuff. I guess I should let it go and be comfortable with whatever he, or they if you count his sister, wants to refer to each of us. But, I can't help but feel like I'm less than needed in their lives because of all this. I feel like they don't love me as much as their stepfather. I feel like a secondary person to them when I hear stuff like this.
This isn't an isolated incident. I've heard S8 refer to me by name and step-dad as Dad to his mom before.
I just wonder if I'm out of line. I was reading up on this topic on the net over the weekend, trying to make sense of things.
In most cases, people talked about how they felt their step-father was more of a dad to them than their own father, hence the feeling like they should call the step-father "Dad". The step father was around more, raised them, provided for them, was there for them and more of a father figure. The bio father might have lived a distance from the kids, might not have been involved as much as he should have been, etc.
It leaves me wondering if my S thinks I abandoned him or something. In court, XW said S8 asked her explicitly if OM was going to be their new dad. Her answer, under oath, that she told the kids "Yes". Does S8 think I'm some disposable, interchangeable person? It seems that XW has led him to believe that. How do I discuss this subject with an 8 year old?! How can he understand that my abscence from his daily life was against my wishes and that XW has done more, like moving away, to ensure that I'm not as present in his life?
Like I said, I may have won the battle, but I may be losing the war.
(((( Kevin ))) This made me so sad reading this because I can feel the pain in your words. I am so sorry
I just do not understand women who are not over the moon that their exs want to be part of their childrens lives when there are so many who do not! They have to beg and plead for the fathers to have some involvment in thier childrens' lives, and here you are so willing to be.
I do not remember but how long has it been you and your ex have not been together? How old was your S? How often are you able to see the kids?
I know someone will be able to give you some adivice, I just wanted to let you know, I'm sorry that you were hurt, I will tell you thou, kids do know who their parent is and they do love them, they may not be able to express it at such young ages but they do. After all the crapola my ex has dispensed , my S still although sometimes irritated w his dad, loves him very much and YOU are a terrific father!
Just know we care sweetpea ((( Kev )))
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Whatever happened to "ask for what you want"? Why not tell your son that you are Dad to him and not Kevin? I certainly would have told my kids that if they had called me Beth. Maybe he needs to hear you say that and possibly he NEEDS to know that you are fighting for him. Don't assume how they feel kev 'cause that's a huge mistake!
The other thing that you mentioned about people saying that their step Dad was more of a Father to them. Well I've heard people say that as well, but I've only heard that from people whose bio Dad walked out of their lives. I don't ever remember anybody saying such a thing when they had a loving, present Dad.
Oh and how about you TELL your ex that you would like a copy of your sons practice and game schedule? You shouldn't need to ask if you could go to his practice. If you can't get it from her, find out who the coach is and ask to have a copy sent to your home. You know kev, in the future and considering how uncooperative you ex has been, you may need to do this with everything from sports to school. Besides, don't you think that showing up to see your son practice would send him the message that Dad is interested and present? I bet he would be thrilled to have to you there!
Think out of the box Kev. You are dealing with a very selfish and controlling woman. Don't let her brainwash these kids into thinking that you are "weekend Dad" or just Kevin!
You know I love you so you know I'm not being critcal. It just makes me so angry to see her still pulling this crap!
It seems that XW has led him to believe that. How do I discuss this subject with an 8 year old?! How can he understand that my abscence from his daily life was against my wishes and that XW has done more, like moving away, to ensure that I'm not as present in his life?
Tell him exactly that. Children are intelligent, they understand more than we believe. And tell him you are and will always be his Dad and you would prefer to be called as such, not "Kevin," as this is not a sign of respect.
And yes, right now are thinking how do I do this without pissing off x?
Exactly the way she considers your feelings when she does stuff.
Gosh, Kev, your post made me cry. Your X is definitely a witch!!! I think Beth gave you great advice. Thing is, who knows how long W's "present" H will be around? "You" will always be there for them. Correct S when he refers to you as "Kevin." Get your kids schedules directly from the source if necessary and don't ask your X for permission for anything.
(((Kevin))) We all love you even tho you dress funny........
Excuse me here for a second Kev but this is too darn good to let it pass.
So let me get this straight. After hundreds of posts and how many years, and you finally admitted out loud and for all the world to see, that I gave some good advice! Now that wasn't so hard was it?
