Don't beat yourself up about mistakes that you make. We all make them from time to time. Just work on yourself and be the man you want to be. Read the book, post and look at other stories. It does suck because I am in kind of the same situation. Just a month or so ahead of you. It is a bumpy ride.
You can't control her or her actions, just your own. Try avoid having your emotions playing off of what she does. Find out what you need to fix about yourself and work on it.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
