For the Guy with Kids and a WW 8

[hopeful4her]

OMG! The SAME THING just happened to me! The lights flickered and I've been typing for like a half hour. You KNOW my posts.

Ok, short version, too. Yeah, right. Ya'll know me.

Retro? Why haven't I?

My complete and utter fear of rejection. I am tired of being rejected by her. It is nearly a compulsive fear I have in my everday life. I hate to be rejected. ESPECIALLY by her. My wife. I don't think I could take it again.

Yes, I gave myself a 2x4 the other night. Lets just say that I know God is watching me.

And your not harsh. You're a caring friend. Thank you.

Todays sermon. GPS. Godly Positioning System. Coming to the fork in the road. Decisions the we make effect us, our family, our kids. We set the example.

Why won't GBG go to church? God is talking to her.

Summary of my day. I was ALL OVER the place. Had a great day with my kids. Ya'll are going to think I'm nuts.

I think I decided this morning to buy GBG a coffemaker. I pack some coffee in a baggie for her and planned to get her some creammer too.

I know, I know. But wait, okay?

We get to wallymart. I was going to buy the girls a pillow each. They are in sleeping bags at the apartment and using a stuffed animal for a pillow. I HAD to.

Anyway, walking in, I see vaccums on sale. One is like $37. I ask D11 if she thinks momma needs a vaccum or a coffee maker more.
'I don't think you should get her anything. Let her get her own things.'

I am floored.

'You know, your right.'

Get some school supplies and backpacks first. I'm still considering the coffeemaker. D11 looks at me like, "Keep movin', mister!"

Ok, ok. I'll stop being Mr Nice Guy. Mr Rescuer.

What D11 tells me next changed that quick.

Not sure how it came up, but she met moms "friend".

I was PISSED. I didn't show it. I questioned her a little.
He had gone to take them something to drink on Friday. Met them real quick and didn't stay.

That changed my sh*t REAL quick.

Okay, party time's over. Got the pillows and left. I was thinking WHAT the hell to say to her. When? How? Calmly? Composed? ANGRY? Go off on her?

Get to my folks to eat. I settle down. Had a really good time.

GBG calls just before we eat.
'How are the girls?'
'They're fine.'
Long pause. Shes waiting for me to say something.
'Can I talk to them?'
'Hold on.'
D11 first. Then D6.

We finish eating and hang out for a bit. I'm a little anxious to leave because I'm gonna talk to that, that.....

Ya'll know.

I call her. She just left off S14 at his dads. She's at Home Depot. I offer to meet her there. She asks me to meet her at the apartment. She is coming out of the apartment. She has a chair in the back of her Rodeo. Girls run to her. They're excited to see her. She sends them off. I tell her the things we got. D's want to keep the stuff at the house. She says thats fine.

We start to talk.

'Look, I want to tell you thank you for the cleaning you did at the house. You didn't have to.'
'No, its the least I could do.' She's looking at me.
'I was thinking that the girls would spend the night on Wed. I took the day off and I want to take them to see Raven.'
'Oh, thats cool. Yeah, thats alright. I want things to be good. The kids need us. They need us to be really good parents right now. I don't want things to get bad between us.'
'Your right. You know me. You KNOW me. I want thing to be good between us, right?'
'Me too.'
'But there is one thing that I WILL not stand for.'
She looks at me with a puzzled look.
'I don't EVER want to hear them tell me a story about meeting momma's friend. EVER.'
First she was surprised. Then the defenses went up full force.
'What?'
She pauses. I glare at her through my sunglasses.
'Yes, he came by to bring us some tea! He didn't stay.'
'I don't want to hear about that again.'
'He's not going to be around when they're around!'
'He already has!'
'Okay, he has.'
'NOT again.'
She is just staring at me.

D's come out. I change the subject. I talk about something. I don't remember. I'M the one in charge. Even her mood changed. I am being upbeat. I said what I had to say and that was it. It is hotter than hell outside. Oh yeah, I asked about the land tax notice. She has it inside, and she starts to go inside. Sweating up a storm. D11 asks about coming in. I say no. Then GBG asks if I want to come in. I say okay.

In her place, it looks like someone just moved in. Boxes. Stuff. No furniture. S14's round chair in the living room. I see a blow up mattress in a room. She gets the paper.
'Do you want something to drink?'
'Sure. Water is fine. Thanks.'
'Show daddy your room!'
Girls show me their room. Stuff all over. Sleeping bags on the floor. I tell them it is nice. Nice floors. Walk back out.
'Did you see the restroom. Amanda could live in it. GIRLS! Show dad your restroom!'
We have some small talk. Just stuff. She mentions how she needs to get back to Home Depot to pick up a table and another chair. She mentions how the guy didn't know how it was going to fit.
'Do you want me to go see if it fits in the Explorer?'
'If you want to.'
'I'll do it if you give me back the pictures that keep disappearing.'
'What pictures.' She has a look like she KNOWS what I'm talking about.
'Our pictures. Ones of us.'
I tell her which ones. She is taking them all.
'I hope your not throwing them or something.'
'No. I just didn't want you to throw darts at them.'
'Your funny. I'm NOT going to throw darts. I want them back.'
'Didn't you see the photo albums I bought? I'm going to put them in albums for you and for me.'
D11 overheard the dart thing. She got upset. GBG says that she was joking.
'Your dad can take a joke. Why can't you?'
I say 'Yeah, you can't take a joke?'

'By the way, I deleted the pictures you had of me on your phone.'
Crap, I had some pictures of GBG in my phone. Cleavage shots she sent to me in better days when I would ask her to send me a picture. Two of em. Also one I had of her from behind in just a thong. CRAP!

She just looks at me.
'Oh those. I haven't even looked....'
We leave to store. I help her put the box in the back of my car. I put the additional chair in her car for her. As I am puting it in,
'You know, I was going to buy you a coffeemaker.'
'You did. I was going to look for one here.'
'No, I said I WAS going to buy you one. D11 told me not to.'
'She did? Why?'
'She told me to let you buy your own stuff.'
She looks at me again.
'I know she's going to be mad at me for a while.'
'Yup.'
'I WAS still going to get it, and we got to the coffee makers and the tea makers and that is when she brought up what she told me.'
Nothing.
I ask her if she has any tools to put the table together. She says no. Just the hammer. My hammer. I tell her that I was going to get her a little tool set. She says to meet her at the Dollar store after I'm done.
I buy her the screwdriver set. $15. A hammer and pliers too.

Meet her at the $ store. I am with D's mostly. Not hanging with GBG. I pick up a few things. Bandaids and stuff.
'You know you have bandaids at home.'
'I thought you took all that stuff too.'
'No.'
'okay, then I'll get them for the girls.'
She buys ALL her stuff. Cheap pots. Toaster. Coffeemaker. She asks me about laundry detergent. Spices. All kinds of shi*.
Wonder where she is getting the $. Hmmmm.

I'm trying to stay away from her. We leave and meet back at the apartment. I help her unload. I'm not going to help put the table together. I was tempted, but nope. She asks if I want some more water. I accept. She asks if I want to stay over and eat dinner there?
I think she misspoke.
'I can make some chicken, now that I have some pans.'
I don't answer. I walk to girls room. I tell them to help mom put stuff away. No arguing. I remind them of what they are supposed to do. Call me. I caution them being there.
'I don' want you to leave' says D11. She is getting sad.
'I'll call you just like I always do. You call me anytime. Behave, okay?'
GBG tells them to relax because they are tired. Tells them to watch a movie.
Big hugs. Big kisses. GBG looks at me.
'Thanks.'
'Okay. Bye.'
I'm out.
I CANNOT believe I didn't stay for dinner. I was even hoping she would invite me. Earlier, I almost offered to go out to dinner together. I didn't. She needs to see the strong me.

WHAT A DAY!

I did a few things I wasn't supposed to. But then I did some things the way I WAS supposed to, too.

We talked about the cell phone bill. I tell her that I'll keep paying the car insurance if she'll keep paying for the Spectrum. $15 difference. I TOLD her. I didn't give her a choice. Of course, better for her. But I made the decision, and this is what it is. I asked her about her dresser. I told her to take it. 'Thats not mine. Its your brothers.' It used to be my brothers ex wife. I said that he doesn't need it. We only had it for the last 10 years.

I can't wait for Wednesday. Girls will be coming back and all day Thursday.

If she starts to text me or email me with stuff unrelated to girls, I don't know WHAT I'm going to do. How typical would that be? Script.

Well, maybe not for her. She's not the type to initiate to me. At least not right now.

Aren't ya'll glad you didn't get the long version?

[kat727]

Keep up the strong front. Good for D11 telling you what for. She knows what her Mom is doing is wrong, poor Amanda. Hopefully Juli doesn't get it yet.

If she texts and it is not kid related, just don't reply. Set up your boundaries and stick to them. I didn't have a great day myself so I hear ya, but we truly are all in this together.

Good night and hugs.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H))) You did so good! Give yourself a pat on the back, not a 2x4, not this time.

Good for you taking a stand about GBG's "friend." It may go against what others think, but I'm right there with you on that one. DAFT and I have had more than one discussion about that one and it is KNOWN that this will not be acceptable and all hell will break loose if he crosses the line on this one.

All in all it sounds like you and the girls had a good weekend and you did really well with GBG. You stood up for yourself and took the lead, good for you. Feels a lot better than being lead around I think.

You take care of yourself and the girls and let God take care of the rest. She isn't going to church because she knows what shes doing is wrong and just can't face it. Same reason DAFT won't even open the bible his beloved Grandma gave him, because he knows this is wrong and just can't face it. Denial, baby...

Have sweet dreams.

[hopeful4her]

Just got off the phone with D11. She called me. She wouldn't let me off the phone. She misses me. She wants to come home.

About 20 minutes. Just talking. Loooonnggg goodnights.

She tells me how much she wants to be here, and it breaks my heart.

During our conversation outside, I was telling GBG how Amanda had called me and was upset and didn't want to be there and wanted to come home on Friday night.
'She was upset that SIL was there.'
Not sure what that meant.
'You know, I think she is trying to play us. She is telling me how she is having fun.'
'Well, I'm not going to take her first words as truth. I'm going to test what she tells me.'

When we went inside, GBG also showed me some papers concerning counseling. Something about Children Going Through Divorce. Requirement of the county. She pointed out a part for us. About co-parenting.

Before I left the apartment, Amanda was saying how boring it was going to be there. Telling her mom this.

Poor thing. I know she just doesn't want to say something to hurt her moms feelings.

I told her to call me when she wants. I will be calling her like I always do during the day.

She wants to be here with me. She said, "I can't wait until Thursday. I get to see you AND go to the concert."

My mother asked me if the girls had even mentioned missing their mom these past couple days.

I said, "Not a word." And they hadn't.

Good night, all. Kat, Suga. Sleep tight.

Talk to you in the 'morrow. (that was my english guy accent)

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H))) Just keep on doing what you have been. You are a great dad and its no wonder they want to be with you. You are their stability.

Keep being you, keep reassuring those precious girls and praying.

Niiiiice, a texas man with an english accent.... BTW, the boy got to see TO, Romo, Pacman Jones and all the rest of Da' Boys today. He loved it!!! Didn't get close enough to get an autograph, but enjoyed it just the same.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Keep up your boundaries about OM. NO K'S SHOULD BE EXPOSED TO THAT.

Great words from your D11. One smart girl. Not sure if you caught the great truth dart from my D10 on my sitch. Amazing insight from these young ladies.

I know how you feel about D's wanting to be with you. My D10 is sleeping in my bed in our hotel room. 1st night W had her sleep with her. D10 moved on her own next night. They look for stability maybe?

Keep it up bud.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Yet more evidence that makes me feel that even pre-teens can handle exposure, if done in an age-appropriate manner. They are noticing WAAAYYYY more than we think they are, and in many cases, WONDERING why we're not being more honest with them.

Puppy

[hopeful4her]

lis, you got that right. They are way smarter than we give them credit for sometimes, I think.

About OM, I had thought up all kinds of things I was going to tell her. Mostly angry stuff. Him moving in on my family, "sniffing" around my kids. I decided to be direct and to the point. Not sure if I got across to her any consequences, but I think she got the point. Her silent glare told me that she f'd that up, otherwise, I think she would have some crap about it being her life, doing what she wants, blah, blah.

I made my point and then moved on. She now knows that there won't be any secrets. The girls will tell me everything.

Suga,

SWEET! To bad, not autographs. Did you get to go, too? Are you a fan or just when they are there?

My triple play. Texas Longhorns, San Antonio Spurs, and the Dallas Cowboys.

I love sports. I got so enmeshed with my wife and my family these past few years, that I even stopped watching. MAYBE around playoffs. Always missed games. I plan on getting back to my GUY roots.

Who knows, stuff like that that I thought was bad for our marriage before, might help me attract her again. Invited to friends places to watch games, having family and friends over to do the same and BBQ. Taking them fishing and camping. She'll hear about it from the kids

[hopeful4her]

Puppy! Welcome back.

I struggle with this, Puppy. I just don't want to break their hearts. Not now. Too much going on. I have prepared myself for a convo IF she brings something up. I have told her that I will always be honest with her. IF she asks me, then I will be honest, in an age appropriate way.

If and when she figures it out, I don't feel like it would be on me. Any anger. It will all be on GBG. Her cross to bear, and her mess to clean up.

As it is now, she is going to be dealing with the repercussions of what she has done for years to come. Her demons will keep her busy for a LONG time.

I will have to be the rock for my kids. Be the shining light and example of what it is to be a real man. A strong but forgiving and soft heart. Able to make mistakes, admit them and ask for forgivness.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4H,

I understand.

btw, phenomenal job laying down the boundary with your wife. I started reading the exchange, and at first, was thinking "Here we go again, he's being too supplicating," and then you dropped the payload on her.

The great thing about us "Nice Guys," is that it doesn't take much to rock their world when we decide we've had enough.

Nicely done.

Puppy