I don't blame you. I wouldn"t touch that one either.
ALL,
Useful info. Thanks for contribuing to the academic environment I try to foster on this thread.
Karen,
I'm doing well overall. Been fighting the blahs, lonliness.....depression. Whatever you want to call it. Mostly because I've been so tired from running 9-0 for the last month.
Although I won the legal battle with XW over names and such, I don't know if I'll ever win the hearts and minds of my kids. Even better, I shouldn't have to.
I called S8 on the way to church this morning. I wanted to say Hi and ILY and all that. I also wanted to find out when his next football practice would be to see if I might be able to come watch.
He inquired to XW about his practice as I listened over the phone. It went something like this: "Mom, can Kevin come to my practice on Monday?"
Kevin. Mind you, my name is Kevin. My son refers to me by my Christian name when I'm not in his presence. I have to assume that he calls his step-dad, Dad.
I know that my ego is getting in the way on this stuff. I guess I should let it go and be comfortable with whatever he, or they if you count his sister, wants to refer to each of us. But, I can't help but feel like I'm less than needed in their lives because of all this. I feel like they don't love me as much as their stepfather. I feel like a secondary person to them when I hear stuff like this.
This isn't an isolated incident. I've heard S8 refer to me by name and step-dad as Dad to his mom before.
I just wonder if I'm out of line. I was reading up on this topic on the net over the weekend, trying to make sense of things.
In most cases, people talked about how they felt their step-father was more of a dad to them than their own father, hence the feeling like they should call the step-father "Dad". The step father was around more, raised them, provided for them, was there for them and more of a father figure. The bio father might have lived a distance from the kids, might not have been involved as much as he should have been, etc.
It leaves me wondering if my S thinks I abandoned him or something. In court, XW said S8 asked her explicitly if OM was going to be their new dad. Her answer, under oath, that she told the kids "Yes". Does S8 think I'm some disposable, interchangeable person? It seems that XW has led him to believe that. How do I discuss this subject with an 8 year old?! How can he understand that my abscence from his daily life was against my wishes and that XW has done more, like moving away, to ensure that I'm not as present in his life?
Like I said, I may have won the battle, but I may be losing the war.
