Hopping over to piecing & short intro

[smokry]

Nag him about it, threaten to call his boss, companies don't want these kind of problems and they will deal with it, by the way what is the worse he could do, leave.
He ended up saying that his company wasn't set up to do that and wouldn't do that for him.
Is that true, call the payroll department and check

Part of the problem he said he had with me was that I was always nagging and bitching. Now- granted, I feel I was right in nagging and bitching because of what he was (or wasn't)doing financially but that pushed him away even more. So- I've been trying to figure out a way to do it without nagging! And- I'm sure his company would set up direct deposit...he just refuses to sign the paperwork.

Nothing says you can't drive there at quiting time and collect the check, maybe it will embarras sp him into cooperating

Wish that would work...but he gets his check at various times of the day- between 12 and 5ish...because he is a superviser in the field he can come and go pretty much as he pleases so as soon as he gets the check he is headed to the check cashing place. He really goes to great lengths to make sure he is the one who has his hands on the check.

! By the way is he an alcoholic?, make sure all the money is gone when he asks, whats left stash away where he can't find it. Show him via the online account that all the money is gone. You have to be clever.

Someone else has asked if he is an alcoholic...I don't know what all you have read of my sitch- but part of our getting back together was him absolutely not going to any more bars. He was frequenting them 4 -5 nights a week. I'm not sure if he is an alcoholic. I think he uses alcohol to self medicate from his problems but I'm not sure if he has crossed the fine line to alcoholism. He drinks every weekend and probably 2 or 3 days during the week. He does have a tendency to get drunk on weekends or special occasions and then makes a total ass out of himself. I've been thinking about opening a seperate checking account and transferring all the money into it. Then I could pay bills from that account and show him that the other account has no money in it. But- then I would have to keep the other account a secret and I'm not sure that is a good thing. I could get my 18D to be a signer so at least if something happened to me she could get the money out but I know H would be absolutey livid if he knew he wasn't a signer on the account so I would have to keep it secret. I'm not sure what lengths I'm willing to go to in this situation. I don't feel like I should HAVE to do all this stuff. I think he should do something about his problem and I'm afraid if he doesn't address it very soon that I will have to walk away.

make sure you are sign up for subsitute teaching, when they hire the subs get first shot, sign up a lot of schools, so you have plenty of work

Yep- I already renewed my application for this year. I subbed all last year- full time from Jan to May and made more money than I did teaching at the private school the year before. He still bitched about it not being enough! I feel a little more desperate now to get a full time position because if this M goes south then I will need to be able to support myself.

take him out of the loop, get the money, give allowance and make the rest disappear, no use agruing about it.

Honestly- you are absolutely right. I've just got to be able to get my hands on the money BEFORE he spends it so I can take him out of the loop. I'm hoping that he is really willing to try and will start depositing the whole check in the bank on a regular basis. Problem is I have no respect for him because he can't control this problem and seems hell bent on blaming the problem on me ( I need a better job). One of the things I told him that I needed to feel loved was to be taken care of financially and he just can't do that or won't. I have about zero tolerance for people who can't get their priorities in order and won't address problems and work on them. I feel he is weak and that makes it hard for me to feel loving and contected to him.

Now that he is out of money and was on Sunday night...he has continued to be an ass every night this week. He is pushing buttons left and right and I am having a hard time not responding the same. As a matter of fact last night we had an OLD "lets act the way we used to" fight about something really stupid. I have about zero tolerance for his bs right now. I've been following LL's thread and I gotta say I can relate to about 90% of what she is saying.

Maybe it's a good thing that I didn't get on full time this year. It would make it very easy for me to walk away...

Thanks for your ideas- I'm going to try posting the bills on a board and see how that goes...I'm also going to check the percentages and make sure we are on track that way.

Guess I'll go now and try to get out of my negative mood and look for something positive about H.