Hopping over to piecing & short intro

[smokry]

, just letting you know this would be a serious issue for me and I'm sure most of us! How did it go?

Hi Shiny- thanks for your input and concern! OK well here is what happened...I'll give the abridged version!

We had a loooong talk about finances and worked on our budget together. I estimated high for expenses going out and estimated low for money coming in...and low and behold- even doing it that way- we make more than enough money to pay our bills on just H income!

He had a hard time realizing that... kept trying to add stuff in and "what ifs"(which is what the emergency fund we set up will be for).

He agreed to deposit his CHECK in the bank on Fridays...and only keep 20.00 in cash. I will make sure he has cigarettes and "adult beverages" for the week so he shouldn't need any more cash than that for the week.

We will see if he follows through this Friday...I'm hoping he does.

I am also looking into getting a full time teaching position at a private school in our area...our budget shows that we can make it without a 2nd full time income but in the event that we don't make it together-I feel like I need a job so financially I will be able to make it on my own plus it will allow us to put more in savings and get out of debt sooner!

I'm still hurt about the deception...but he did more sincerely apologize when we talked about it the second time. I am cautiously hopeful that he will do what he said. I made it quite clear that I simply could not go on this way and if we weren't able to make some changes then I would be done. He seems sincere in wanting to improve our financial condition. Though he was moody the past few days almost like he was sorry he agreed and was having money "withdrawals". He seems better today...

Other thoughts I'm having are that I feel that I have married outside of the will of God. And that we are "unequally yoked" so to speak. He certainly would not have been marriage material if I had not rushed into things and had taken the advice I give my daughters which is to not date anyone you wouldn't consider a potential mate.

With that said- I have a couple of choices. I can move on...or I can stick it out and try to make the best of the situation. What's done is done...we are married and have invested almost 9 years together. But I have had a revelation over the weekend. I am 37 yrs old and it's time to get it together. This has been a M full of turmoil and problem after problem and I just can't see living the rest of my life unhappy and miserable.

So what I have decided is that since he is willing to make changes and he is willing to try...then as long as our M is improving and we are continuing to grow then I remain. Should things revert to their former state then I won't be able to stay.

I am praying and trying to act "as if" because right now I really don't feel "in love" with him. I am comfortable that we are on a more even keel as far as communicating and not fighting as much (DBing helped us with this latest BIG money issue!)but I just don't feel all lovey dovey or anything like that. It's hard to put into words how I'm feeling right now. I am here and willing to keep trying but also feeling a little guilty that I don't FEEL like I'm in love...hmmmmm...I wonder if I'm expecting too much?

I'm starting to ramble...if I can get my thoughts in order, I'll add more later.