When I re-read it...I see what you mean. I removed it.
I apologize, it isn't the way I intended.
I was concerned about your self-care and you getting out. And I know you're on the boards a lot. I too am on the boards a lot, so I know we all have virtual frienships. And we commiserate here or help others here rather than going out sometimes or taking care of our own needs. You're a giver on the board.
Maybe you're not doing that.....so that's sort of what I was getting at.
I hope I explained it better this time.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
The sad truth in many cases is that our kids are only better off because they now have one full, loving, caring parent whereas before they had two that were falling apart.
I have phases on the board. I was asked to come and post a thread, and I did, after a month off.
I think my GAL activities are balanced, I come here when I really need to vent or get something off my chest , or when I need to be checked. It is how I try to learn.
Working from home today, and my kids are at Ow's sons party. Have time today to catch up.
Thanks for your help.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Those of you that lost a parent and grew up with only one parent bring up a very interesting point. I doubt there are any of us that have not at one time or another thought and probably verbalized the idea that it would have been better (easier?) if our spouses had died. Then I would not have known the heartbreak of his betrayal and the agony of my broken heart would have at least been tempered with the knowledge that at least he loved me when he died.
But no.....we've gotta do this the hard way.
Okay, well, it would have been easier for ME and me only. For my children it would have been a loss far more devastating than him leaving home and I wouldn't want that for them.
Ideally, two loving parents is best. Be it two mommy's or two daddy's or mom and dad--I'm all for loving families, regardless of the way they are structured.
Sadly, with one of the highest divorce rates, the US has fewer and fewer in-tact (let alone "happy") nuclear families. It sucks.
But what can we do? Lament how bad this is for us, how unlucky, unfair, wrong and tragic it all is? I can easily spiral into a depression if that's the intention--I loved the hell out of my husband and my family and was torn apart by how we had "failed" our children. Not a damn thing I could do about it though. Being reminded over and over again that divorce is bad for kids is just plain silly. If I thought otherwise, I would not likely have ever come to this bb in the first place. So let us put the notion that we are encouraging people to divorce to rest shall we?
What I need, what most of us need, is a reason to look forward with hope--for ourselves and our kids. If that means taking a little of the edge off the sharp bitterness of divorce by saying it's not the end of the world and things can be better than ever, then so be it--please don't begrudge us the hope. Simply uttering the words "divorce doesn't have to be bad for kids" does not imply support or cheering for divorce but rather, in this context, means we are doing our best with a crappy situation.
Sigh...
Here's my mothering gold star for today:
I said to one of my children tonight "who loves ya baby?" and he cheerfully said "you do." Then he said "I was gonna mess with you and say Jackie does." What a punk he is (he's my little trouble maker)! Jackie, for those of you that don't know, is the woman who so coldly relieved me of my betrothed. Anyway, I said to him "that would have been fine son, we all need as many people as we can get in our lives to love us--besides, who wouldn't love you, you're great." He said "I know, everyone loves us--we're great kids."
Life is good. I miss him though. Still love him too I s'pose, but what's a girl to do? Just gotta keep on truckin'
And those who've been around us can tell you I love the snot out of her and she loves the poo out of me. And thank God we're here for each other as father and daughter so we can know that joy.
Hey, Beth, it sounds like we do have lots in common! My main point would be that like DR seems to recommend we should just focus on what we can control. I do allow & encourage my H to be with the kids whenever he wants, and call them each day, etc. But when he doesn't do that, I don't stress over it. Because of my childhood experiences, I believe that my kids will be ok. Yeah, I do think my S14 has some anger with H, and we have him see a therapist and I have a good relationship with him. I know that 2 loving, involved parents would be ideal of course, but if you don't have that for whatever reason, a parent dying or just in my case, maybe self-involved or whatever, that we shouldn't spend our time stressing about the missing or less-involved parent, but just focus on ourselves being the best parent we can be since that's all we can really control. Karen
Well, I think some of us here at DB still have traumas from our WAS telling us they are done or it's over, so that kind of language maybe brings back bad memories of the bomb or something? Just reminded me of that a bit. Maybe more positive would be "let's focus now on topic Y" instead of saying "I'm done"? Karen
