I don't care about what you are doing any longer. Just don't bring ow around me and act like all is fine for the three of us to interact. She's an idiot.. I don't have to talk to her.. I dont' even have to look at her if I don't want to..
I completely agree. The ow lives across the street from me. I pretend that she is invisible whenever I see her, but it is HARD. Her kids will call across the street to me to say Hi, her D will call my D to play...I'm still waiting for the meteor to fall out of the sky and squash her. She will never be in my home again. My kids will never go to play over her house while she is there. I control what I can.
It's not what he tells her/him. It probably has more to do with what he pays her/him.
Sorry to be cynical.
Yes, but to me counseling a married man's relationship with an OW is almost like you're encouraging a crime or something? I mean I think you would have to be somewhat unethical to do that. And there are so many hurting people out there wanting to see Cs, I don't think they are that desperate for clients or shouldn't be if they are a competent C I wouldn't think. So I do think there is something wrong with that C. Karen
Say I'm the C and I ask you what your goal is and you say that your M is over and you want to give your new R every opportunity to work. So, even though it's a R that started while you were still married, you want me (the C) to help you make it right and legitimate now..
I have no idea what I'm getting at here other than.. some C's might warn that A's rarely work out as long-term R's and leave it up to the person to make the decision as to whether or not it will be helpful to do pseudo-mc or not.
I do agree with you Karen and for obvious reasons, I think it's a total crock of sh!t!
Donna - I think I'll do that next time I'm forced into seeing ow.. Pretend she's invisible and look right through her...
My take on the counseling is it's the OW's idea, especially if she was single and a home wrecker. She doesn't want the same thing to happen to her, oh brother.
A good therapist would get to the heart of what happened and why. But these people all lie and they will lie to the therapist too so they are probably wasting their money and time. On the other hand, if they admit what they did in therapy, know it can't be forgiven without asking for forgiveness from all of those they have hurt, admit it was wrong but the damage cannot be repaired, and work really hard to make a new life that provides comfort for those they have hurt, there might be some hope for their relationship.
And if the therapist could provide skills that would help the children and mend the old family a bit that is something. But obviously something is wrong and while I hope all the X's and their OWs out there are in better shape because they have made appropriate retribution it's not likely. We just have to move on without that satisfaction and make our own lives anyway.
Actually, the pseudo-mc is stbxh's idea and I'm pretty sure the C knows the entire sitch. H says that he doesn't want to end up in this situation again and they need to figure it all out to ensure that their R/M will work. OW is, of course, willing to do whatever it takes to keep her man... even D her own H. Yup.. she did just that last year and has been pushing my H to do the same ever since. She's a lovely woman...
In the meantime, I'm so much more worried about my child and her exposure to their nonsense. How can these people so easily jump from one thing to another and play happy family... almost like the past never existed? It's weird.
This is going to be a tough week. Controversial decisions need to be made regarding D stuff plus D4 is away with her Dad/etc.. Ugh.. I have a few gaps still in my week that I need to fill up to get through it. I've never been away from my child for more than a couple of days
Actually, the pseudo-mc is stbxh's idea and I'm pretty sure the C knows the entire sitch. H says that he doesn't want to end up in this situation again and they need to figure it all out to ensure that their R/M will work.
I just think it's crazy when one person is married (or both) to other people to counsel them like that. I know my C says she tells her patients to not even date for a year after the divorce, so I don't think she would take them as clients. (I'm tempted to ask next C session)! Karen
I soooo miss my girl this week. Has it really only been 2 days since I've seen her? Two down and five to go! UGH!
In the meantime, I am finalizing the proposal back to stbxh regarding ... well.. everything.. I am nervous as heck since I know he is going to react with extreme anger. I hate confrontation..
A friend said yesterday that she is certain that he will one day come running back.. apologizing.. and regretting everything he's done. Too bad he's taken it this far.. so far that there is NO turning back. NO apology will ever be good enough. NO regret will ever replace how he threw his family away. Sorry.. life just sucks right now!!!!!
