Making a conscious decision to share where I'm at versus using examples of interactions centers me.
If something I talk about always brings me down, then talking about it isn't helping. I'm not going to worry about the ideal scenario of being co-parents. Get through this intact, adjust to the changes that I feared, focus on getting healthy.
I always want to be 'good' at what I do. When my college roommate told me I seemed worse.. hello.. time to DB me! Getting sucked into divorce drama pulls positive energy from me.
Let it go. Let me grow. Embrace the life I'm unexpectedly given.
Just got back from the BBQ/birthday party for my mother-in-law who just turned 91. It was a 2 hour drive back home and I'm a little tired.
Saw a niece I last saw when she was four. She's twenty six now. Animosity between her mom and my in-laws after their son's divorce cut her out of our lives. New beginning. Her mother and step father died.. her biological family died. She says she's happy to have a big family that's been waiting in the wings to meet her.
At one point my sister-in-law started to make a comment but I cut her, saying I don't talk about him. We talked about me doing Labor Day but that's the weekend the boys leave for college (or will probably hightailing it out of here before the weekend starts.)
Hi Gypsy K, it was very nice of you to go to the BBQ/b-day party for MIL, especially a 2 hour drive away. It would have been real easy to make an excuse & not go. Especially on the day after the play.
How are you ?
Hugs
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Write what you feel when you feel like it. You are treasured.It makes me feel sparkly that you like the image of my hugs. Hugging is something I do well. It reminds me of a little story.
When my daughter was twelve or so she'd would blow a kiss, then give me the evil eye. I'd look bewildered. She'd blow another kiss, and I'd smile. "You have to catch it, Mom!" shed say accusintly. Ooops.
From then on she'd blow kisses and I would catch them. Depending on her mood they'd be far flung, twisty twirling, gentle or any number of variations. She'd be insulted if I didn't catch them all sometimes taking them away! I'd blow kisses too. It became a very fun interaction.
One day while I was driving she was blew me kisses. I'm the type of driver who never sees people waving at me I'm so focused on getting from point A to point B. When she pouted that I wasn't catching her kisses, I explained I couldn't do that while driving. She then blew a plethora of kisses and shoved them into the overhead sunglasses compartment. How I loved that.
Each time I'd go to get my sunglasses I'd retrieve them quickly so the kisses wouldn't fall out. If she was miffed at me, she'd say there were none left. Yet now whenever I drive, I know there are softly blown kisses stored for a lifetime just above my head.
What is the most wonderful is rarely something tangible.
I had cousins I rarely saw because of the distance but I adored them. Cousins, family were something precious and treasured. That was something I always wanted for my kids, to have an extended family. Both our parents lost at least one of their parents at young ages. His siblings never had cousins so we made a special effort for the kids to know each other.
Now all the kids have solid relationships, viewing each other almost as brothers and sisters. I'd never do anything to hamper that, so it's easy to go up. I enjoy the time with my mother-in-law, time with my sisters-in-law and their families. I'm much quieter than I have been in the past but do chirp up with some witty one liners.
Why do I do it? For love, for family... with my boundaries.
Advice from Divorce Lawyers to Avoid Heartbroken Marriages:
"Few individuals can truly comprehend the pain and distress wrought by divorce better than matrimonial lawyers," said Cheryl Lynn Hepfer, president of the AAML. "Having seen so many heart wrenching cases up close, our organization decided to offer ten simple tips for married couples who might be experiencing the first signs of trouble or merely just looking for ways to maintain the loving relationship that they currently enjoy."
The AAML offers the following ten tips to help strengthen marriage bonds or possibly diffuse any pressure points that could threaten the overall health of a union:
Learn to listen, learn to hear one another.
Don't expect to get more from your spouse than you give of yourself.
Don't try to change your spouse; accept him/her "as is."
Treat your spouse like your best friend or most important colleague.
Look at challenges in your lives as an opportunity to grow together.
Learn to assess your own mistakes and openly acknowledge them.
Learn to argue respectfully, without personal attacks.
Don't demean your spouse in public or private.
Focus on resolving a problem, rather than trying to win an argument.
Never lose your sense of humor and have fun together.
Oh, sweetness, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blowing kisses story. I hope you have that written down somewhere for your darling girl. She's so lucky to have you to teach her all she needs to know about love and life.
xoxoxoxoxo, R
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
