Those of you that lost a parent and grew up with only one parent bring up a very interesting point. I doubt there are any of us that have not at one time or another thought and probably verbalized the idea that it would have been better (easier?) if our spouses had died. Then I would not have known the heartbreak of his betrayal and the agony of my broken heart would have at least been tempered with the knowledge that at least he loved me when he died.
But no.....we've gotta do this the hard way.
Okay, well, it would have been easier for ME and me only. For my children it would have been a loss far more devastating than him leaving home and I wouldn't want that for them.
Ideally, two loving parents is best. Be it two mommy's or two daddy's or mom and dad--I'm all for loving families, regardless of the way they are structured.
Sadly, with one of the highest divorce rates, the US has fewer and fewer in-tact (let alone "happy") nuclear families. It sucks.
But what can we do? Lament how bad this is for us, how unlucky, unfair, wrong and tragic it all is? I can easily spiral into a depression if that's the intention--I loved the hell out of my husband and my family and was torn apart by how we had "failed" our children. Not a damn thing I could do about it though. Being reminded over and over again that divorce is bad for kids is just plain silly. If I thought otherwise, I would not likely have ever come to this bb in the first place. So let us put the notion that we are encouraging people to divorce to rest shall we?
What I need, what most of us need, is a reason to look forward with hope--for ourselves and our kids. If that means taking a little of the edge off the sharp bitterness of divorce by saying it's not the end of the world and things can be better than ever, then so be it--please don't begrudge us the hope. Simply uttering the words "divorce doesn't have to be bad for kids" does not imply support or cheering for divorce but rather, in this context, means we are doing our best with a crappy situation.
Sigh...
Here's my mothering gold star for today:
I said to one of my children tonight "who loves ya baby?" and he cheerfully said "you do." Then he said "I was gonna mess with you and say Jackie does." What a punk he is (he's my little trouble maker)! Jackie, for those of you that don't know, is the woman who so coldly relieved me of my betrothed. Anyway, I said to him "that would have been fine son, we all need as many people as we can get in our lives to love us--besides, who wouldn't love you, you're great." He said "I know, everyone loves us--we're great kids."
Life is good. I miss him though. Still love him too I s'pose, but what's a girl to do? Just gotta keep on truckin'
