You know, I've been thinking about your sitch and trying to compare it to mine. And when it comes down to it, it seems like your H can't handle the truth right now (it also seems like he's not entirely being honest himself...but that's another topic). So, IMHO, perhaps keep trying to work on your M using the tapes. I might also suggest having him read "5 Love Languages," "Divorce Remedy," and "Eight Steps to Loving Kindness" (if he's amenable to doing so). These three books had enough influence on me to not go off the deep end when my W told me about her A. Had I known before my self-exploration, I would have D'd her immediately. From my position, perhaps your H simply needs to be educated...to come to understand where the breakdown in your R came from...to recognize that it was as much him as it was you...and to take responsibility for his portion.
So, give him some tools and give him time to let things sink in. Maybe you can avoid discussing the topic until he's somewhat educated? Maybe you could just suggest to him that you think it's not a good idea to discuss the A (yours or his) until you've both educated yourselves?
