I was thinking about this today and for some reason it hit me.
I think if H had/has started a new relationship it just may be the last straw.
When he had the affair, I was in shock.We both have lawyers and H has not any forward motion in the financials (since April) and things for me are ....well....o.k. financially.
H still pays thye bills in this house and has given me money for other things. I don't ask for much so it is a good situation for him financially.Since I feel he seems to be peeking I will leave it the way it is.
Sometimes I wounder if I'm even doing the right thing right now> (I question myself on this alot)
If he were to have a new friend that would be it though, as I would have to say " ummm nope, your not going to spend the money on her, when really you are getting away without paying support and child support.... not gonna happen".
Don't know if this is good or bad but I think this is where I would draw the line.
What do you think?
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
God says in His Word that He will restore marriages. All in His time not ours.
The enemy might play tug of war with me but God does come thru and gives me the strength to carry on.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Legal separation for me is out of the question because it pretty much leads to divorce. LS here runs $5,000 just to get it put into place and then $250 per hour. I know, I checked into it a few years ago and went to more than one lawyer.
I realized that this is not what I wanted at all and did not pursue it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I think the last straw has to be when you know in your heart that your h is never coming back. If he is continuing an affair for years,you are living apart and have separate lives. It is not about the money really although for some it seems better to remain married if only on paper. It is a personal decision only you can make. For some it's when they can no longer put up with being second best in their spouse's life. It is when you know it is time to regain your self respect no matter how hard it will be both financially and emotionally. For some it is about letting your children know what is right and wrong,what being married means/should mean. It is when you know that you deserve better than being treated like ??? fill in the blanks. It is when you need more. Maybe you may want to date again or at least feel free to be able to do so.
I do not advocate divorce, but nor to I advocate false hope or living a lie because it is easier than standing on your own two feet. There are no winners in a divorce. You only get one life and it is not intended to be wasted. I have no idea of your "story" or thread but I would advise that you protect yourself financially. Good luck with your decision making.
That is where I am right now. I had to get a lawyer when he did. I'm paying $250/hr.
Your right the next step if/when this gets finalized would be legal seperation....basically only different than divorce in writing and a few legalities.
In your financial situation are you comfortable enough so that if H wants to wander again would you be abe to make it?
This is what scares me. We have nothing in writing and I'm just going by what he is doing now. Then again he's seems to be holding to his word.
And I do love him but I'm so scared of blind trust again.
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
That is where I am right now. I had to get a lawyer when he did. I'm paying $250/hr.
Your right the next step if/when this gets finalized would be legal seperation....basically only different than divorce in writing and a few legalities.
In your financial situation are you comfortable enough so that if H wants to wander again would you be abe to make it?
This is what scares me. We have nothing in writing and I'm just going by what he is doing now. Then again he's seems to be holding to his word.
And I do love him but I'm so scared of blind trust again.
E
I have to say that H never stopped paying the bills. Even at his worst, he kept on paying. He is still paying. Will he wander again--I seriously doubt it. He said this is the worst mistake of his life and will have to live with it the rest of his life as it weighs heavily on his heart what he has done. Mind you, he is still not moved home.
Me financially stable, no, not a chance.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
You are so right breton, we need to get on with our lives.
I had always thought this would have been the last straw and deal breaker but someting inside me said that this is not him and it was a mistake...a big one.
How many mistakes I will put up with is another one.
I'm moving forward but since H is still in my life and always will be, these little thoughts pop in.
I suppose more so when milestones come up such as birthdays and anniversaries and how they used to be celebrated and how much things have changed for all of us.
It is still a celebration but not the same at all. Family dynamics change and you can't help but notice the difference.
E
"Sometimes in the winds of change, we find our true direction"
