I'm rethinking my advice to come clean, given your H's possible violent response. I gave you that advice in part based on my own response to my W's infidelity. Before, if I had been asked what my response would have been, I'd have probably said that I wouldn't be able to handle it, and that I would immediately divorce her. But it's different when it actually happens. The shared history, the love that I still had for her, the kids, and other factors all come into play. So when I was faced with the reality of the infidelity, I quickly realized that I wanted to stay married to her. So, even though your H has told you that it would be over if he found out that you slept with the OG, that doesn't necessarily reflect what he would actually do. The other factor is that, as I said, it sounds like he knows in his gut that you are lying to him about this. The OG stalker thing is one aspect of this - it's hard to believe that a guy would get so obsessed over just an EA.
On the other hand, your H's jealousy sounds pretty extreme. You are probably the best one to judge that. If you think violence is too big a risk, well, don't tell. I still think that your best chance to put this behind you once and for all is to tell him, and that if you don't you will be having these same arguments 5 and 10 years from now, but if there's almost no chance that he will be willing to ever put it behind him, or if there's a significant chance that he's going to physically hurt you, then I guess the best course is to keep quiet. Good luck with your decision.
