Hopping over to piecing & short intro

[smokry]

Does he ask about this aspect of your A often? Recently?

Yes...actually he doesn't really ask- he just accuses and says I know you f***** him! Then he goes on to say that he better not ever find out that I did or he is done. Or he'll just say you better hope to God I don't ever find out for sure...and he just trails off right there. We started arguing about something a couple of weeks ago and as usual- it turned in to the OG fight.

The A was over last March 2002- I ended it- period- but then OG for months after kept trying to contact me. He called my mobile phone and I just started handing it to my H to answer. Those converstations were not pretty. Then OG finally quit talking to him and would just hang up when he answered and finally quit calling altogether.But then he started emailing me...of which I DID tell my H and he totally freaked out again. I blocked the guy from emailing me and blocked him for instant messaging me, too. I haven't heard from him at all in at least 6 months...though he does still drive through my neighborhood (I've seen him in the last month and a friend saw him just the other day). I haven't told H about that because he will assume that I am still seeing him and have another fit.Between the OG not getting out of the picture and my H not able to let it go the A has stayed very much in the forefront of our relationship.

I've been giving telling him a lot of thought and what his reactions might be- here is what I've come up with...If I tell him the WHOLE truth he:

1. Would thank me for being honest even though it was painful to hear and he would forgive me and we would move forward on working on our M (this scenario is VERY unlikely)

2. He would get violent again (over the course of our M he has kicked in a bedroom door, kicked a hole in the kitchen wall, punched a hole in the wall by the back door, and of course- there was the trip I took to the ER for stitches in my face)Normally when he loses it- alcohol is involved and he has never except that one time hurt me- it's always taken out on inanimate objects but I can assure you I don't want to find out if that will change because the first time he lays a HAND on me in anger or a fit of rage...I am GONE and it will be OVER.

3. He will scream & yell and tell everyone all about it and trash me all over town again which will probably be the last straw for our marriage.

4. He will find OG and beat the crap out of him and end up in jail. Shortly after A ended I was at a friend's house- OG shows up- I'm in the process of leaving and telling him to leave me alone, etc.Someone else saw both our cars- calls H- he shows up and punches OG in the face- friend gets mad- you're on my property, you have no right, etc..and H and friend get into fight. Cops come out...OG and friend do not press charges (because I begged them not to)

I just don't know if I can go through all of this again...as you can see, option 2,3 & 4 aren't that great(hell- he might do all three!) and I don't have much faith in option 1 happening. He was always the jealous type but since this has happened he is like a psycho-crazed maniac...I don't even know this person that can snap like he has started doing and this violent crap has got to stop.

So- I figure that he knows about the A...he just doesn't have ALL the details. Granted, that's an important detail but is it really necessary to tell it? I DON'T want to know for sure about the ow he went home with. I don't want the details...And I'm not sure he can handle the whole truth.

Part of me would like to come clean to ease my concious...but the other side is that it could make things MUCH worse! Still haven't made a decision...I'll let you know!