yeah the some truth part is about 8 years ago in college I was drunk one night and she tried to stop me from drinking more I got loud pushed her away and she hit a wall. horrible I know, that was 4 years before we were married.
before getting married I stopped being a drunk, basicly it was a college thing and I grew out of it. but that is the colsest in my adult life that I have ever come to an anger issue, and it is the only example she gives because she has notign else. I have never hit her, and she is far closer to verbly abusive to me then I to her.
Well, I've slapped my H in the face a couple times in recent months, and we both have said some mean, completely outlandish things to each other. I mean things that would curl your toes and hair right up. I'm ashamed of all of it, and have vowed to myself that I will never be like that again to him or anyone else. It's not the person I want to be.
The worst thing about those incidents is that they erode love and trust, and you have to work two, three, four times as hard to regain that love and trust, if you ever get the chance to.
I think that my H has said and done worse things to me than I have said and done to him, and he believes the opposite. Of course, we're both wrong. We BOTH suck.
The truth is that both of us (me and H) have never been able to properly process or express hurt to each other and it comes out as anger or disappointment.
Sooo..
What I'm doing now is trying to express my first emotion--hurt--before it turns to anger with calm "I" statements, like, "I feel X when you blah blah blah."
If he is mean to me, I'm trying as hard as I can to take the high road, "Please don't talk to me like that," or walk away.
Of course, I backslide sometimes, but I keep trying because I want to be an emotionally mature person more than anything in the world. And if I ever want a R that's happy and lasts, it's something I gotta do.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
