Hopping over to piecing & short intro

[smokry]

Hi- I've been on the jealously/infidelity forum and someone suggetsted I read a thread over here...after doing that and browsing around some...I think this is where I need to be posting! Here is a brief (i hope) summary of my sitch:
son born June 1994 (yes- you can do the math!)
H ExW is psycho bitch from hell
Jan 1995- H is caught in our kitchen kissing one of our friends at my bday party
Many financial problems!!
H can't pay child support & won't go back to court to reduce payments. Too stubborn?pride?who knows..
More financial problems (H has serious spending problems)
We file personal & business bankruptcy in 1998
Two weeks later H ExW sues him for child support (she did it as soon as she got info about the bankruptcy)
H has 3 choices- pay almost $1000.00 a month (which we CAN'T do), go to jail or sign over parental rights
We have liquidated all our assests- no money, etc...
After several tense months- H decides to sign over parental rights of his 2 Ds. (Had he been able to pay the money the only thing that he would have had a say in would have been his daughters' last names. All other rights were going to the stepfather & mother)
BTW- his daughters were 8 & 10 at the time
Stepdad adopts H 2 ds
ExW cuts off ALL contact & moves out of state
H has always gone to bars...this habit continues to get worse
Few months later H's dad tells him that he's not his dad and pays for DNA test to prove it
H confronts mom- she finally admits that it "might" be true and narrows his real father down to two men she was with at the same time (H is 37 at this time)
More financial problems
More going to the bar
More of me complaining
Jump ahead with more of the same...
November 2001-our friend/neighbor of 6 yrs starts being really friendly to me.Listening and giving me the "there there" treatment.
I'm too stupid to see it coming-
H still at bars- meets girl- exchanges phone numbers
I'm spending more & more time with og (who is married by the way)
OG has had M problems for 23 yrs
EA affair starts between me and OG
5 months go by
H still at bars- but starting to notice that i no longer care and that i am not home waiting on him
H demands that i stop talking to our neighbor but still goes to bars
During this time H goes home one night with ow from bar
I call him on it- he denies it
H had told our friend (also the OG about it)
OG tells me- cause now he's on a mission that I still can't see!
During this time the EA turns to PA ( I KNEW it shouldn't happen but let it anyway- which is a whole nother post!)
OG is not very subtle- decides to tell his W
All holy hell breaks loose!
Big split in our neighborhood involving 4 families taking sides
H and I have a fight over it. He breaks the bathroom door off its hinges, breaks door in half and throws it at me
H throws hairspray can at me and misses
H throws it again and hits me in the face
16 yr old D has to drive me to the ER
H moves out March 2002
Affair ended- I never loved him- OG starts telling everyone he's in love w/ me.Basically starts stalking me
H & I decide to try again Sept 2002
H moves back home
Things are OK for a while but we never resolved anything(except he stopped going to the bars which was the one condition I placed on him coming home)
Few months later we're at it again
H still freaked out about A- doens't think what he did was an A
I'm under constant survelience and accusations
Throws it up in my face constantly
Things are BAD- he wants a D & I don't care
I order Michelle's seminar tapes
June 2003- tapes come in
OK- that catches you up to now...sorry that was soooo long...

5 days ago I couldn't stand my H at all. EVERYTHING he did irritated me. The way he looked irritated me...literally just being in the same room with him disgusted me. And I KNOW the feeling was mutual.The tapes came in and I asked if he was still willing to watch them. He said yes so we started...grudgingly so on my part and his to. I can say that 5 days later- we are at least being civil to each other. We have come up with our love defintions and have set positive goals for our marriage.It's very sad but he did something Sunday that made me think he might actually be trying...I was bringing in two loads of clothes off the line and he actually opened the back door for me. I know that's a little thing but it was so unlike him!I know he likes me to give him little affirmations that I love him so yesterday i sent him a tm on his phone that said hope u are having a good day. He said he liked that. I suppose that is a start. We have lots of hard work ahead of us and I'm still questioning if it's all worth it and if it will last. Guess for now i am taking one day at a time. I do have a question...he still has questions about the affair...He knows it was a EA and knows it was a little physical but that's all the info I gave him. He wants to know if me and the OG slept together and I have denied it from the start. (It did happen 2 times over the 5 months)He got so violent and freaked out just thinking it was an EA that i really don't want to tell him everything...Think that is OK? There is no way he will find out- no one else knew except me & the OG and he told people we did but- I just denied it cause there was no proof. I think I'm protecting myself and him from more pain...I hope that's the right thing to do. He said he didn't have sex with the girl he met at the bar but he didn't get home from her house until 4am...I don't believe him...but I really don't WANT the details if you know what I mean! So, I figure he really doesn't need the details either!

Thanks for reading all of this....I am looking forward to the support of this group!
Sandra