I am going to tell you something that was told to me a long time ago, and I could not entertain the thought of it.
When My X left. I didn't really find out about the OW till about 1 year later. It was my absolute mission in life that my children NEVER meet her.
It was my only goal in life. I would do ANYTHING, to make sure this happend.
Oh and BTW, during all my stopping, and huffing and puffing, about it, little did I know, that my children had ALREADY met her. Yeah. X called her a different a name. He introduced her to my kids by another name, so for a year I thought they met his friend from work that was married, and her name was Michelle.
When the entire time it was really Susan, the OW that they met.
So anyway, I would rant and rave and say if you think my kids are going to meet that whore, you better think again, I will do whatever it takes so that my kids know that you CAN NOT be married and have a whore GF.
I was LIVID. People would post to me and tell me to calm down, and I was like Um NO. These are my morals, and they are going to be followed and I will see to it, and blah blah blah..........
I was a complete ass.
One day a poster named Laughing posted to me. She posted to me in such a way, and said to me not in so many words, that I was doing damage to my kids.
Well, I felt like I was hit with a truck. I sat right up, and I read it over and over.
She told me that if I continue to make this such a big issue, that when my D was final, he was going to take my kids and shove them down the throat of the OW.
He will fast forward the 2 years of their relationship, and force my kids to get up to speed.
That is exactly what happend.
The chip on my shoulder was about to be chipped off piece by piece and I can not tell you , how HARD that was/is.
I had to everyday, try to get rid of some of this anger and jealousy, and back talk, and thinking my shitte didn't stink, b/c I thought I was better, because I was NOT the one that had the physical affair, and walked out on my children.
My Holier than thou self, was consuming all my decisions.
I had to look deep within myself and UGH what you see sucks.
I had to realize my part in the demise of this marriage. When i really thought of it and wrote it down on one of my threads, i felt like I could not breathe.
I felt naked. I no longer thought my shitte didn't stink.
I no longer thought that HOW DARE This OW think that she can have any rights to seeing my children.
WEll, I am part of the reason that he went off looking. I am part of the reason that he was TIRED of hearing that chip on my shoulder speak.
Sooooo Besides learning to chip away at the chip on my shoulder, I now had to learn to bite my tongue.
All I wanted to do was stomp my feet and put my fingers in my ears and hold my breathe and wanted to wish all of this went away.
I had to LET GO(ick) and DETACH (ick)
I spoke with the OW while i still had the chip and ripped her a new butthole. Guess what. My X became spiteful, and threatened me, and said if you ever speak to her like that again and blah blah.
My actions were not giving me good results.
I was losing here.
I gave in, to what I could not control. I shut up. ( I don't always do it still)
My chidren see the OW, they have slept there, they have gone to the beach with her and her children and my X.
I tell them before they go, have a great time, make sure you clean up after yourselves and be respectful to papi, and ask if you can borrow her kids stuff ok.
I felt like well, if my kids are going to go there, these people ar going to see that I raise my kids with respect, and they are going to look their best. This MESS is not going to make me any less of a parent to my kids.
The first time I said it i ran upstairs and threw up.
So this pain you are feeling baby girl, and the thought of this woman, being by your child, or the thought of this woman seeing your child smile, or seeing your child do something amazing, or just something ordinary, the thought of all it, is discusting and so much to take.
yeah it is. And I am so very sorry, that you have to go thru it. But guess what, sweetie, while you are crawling into your hole these things are still going to happen.
So, I want you to try and pray for strength, that you can accept this path, with as much grace, and dignity as you can. Try and pray for God to show you all the times that you can be thankful.
Like, thank you God that she is nice to my child. Thank you God that in her weird way of winning over my H she is being nice to my child.
Changing your perspective on it, may bring you some peace.
I didn't mean to talk about myself, I just maybe wanted to try and help, that way that Laughing helped me. I still make mistakes, I still get hurt, but i dont' want to crawl in that hole anymore.
Life is pretty fantastic, and I want you to know that it can be again.
TIME dear heart, and faith.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
