All I said was that something had to be mentally wrong for him to be willing to give up someone so special (me). Sara
Thats right Sara. Just wanted to stop and give you a hug (((Sara)))
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
He sounds like a lost soul to me. You can't go save him. I'm sorry, but you need to make Sara happy.
okay? I know it's hard. You don't have to slam the door, and you did a great job of not doing that, but he needs to show a lot more than that. HE needs to be DBing YOU if he really wants back - don't forget that!
Well here I am. I have came a long way since this all started and it is Aug 2, the day I offically and legally am divorced. Things have changed so much so quickly. I actually spent the first 45 minutues of my morning chatting with XH (I have to call him that now, dont I?). Didn't talk about a whole lot, just chatting about life really. It was nice to talk as friends. H is starting to see that he has made a mistake. Even said that he should have never cheated on me in the first place. Is in the process of breaking it off with OW and getting a place by himself. He broke off the lease he had with the house with the OW and refused to co-sign a car with her. He wants to get back to church and wanted to know if it would be strange if he went back to our church. I don't care. I know the church I go to is what he needs and as long as he doesn't sit by me, I honestly don't mind him being there.
I am busy working on my house. I got the bedroom painted and am moving the bed and dresser into the room today. I am going on my yearly Chicago trip with my mom next weekend and have signed up to get back with guitar lessons. The new school year starts up soon. I am excited to get back and meet my new students, but I am dreading having to explain to my co-workers, former students and parents why my name is different. That won't be fun. However I do enjoy my teaching job and want to get back to work.
So life keeps moving on. I see my Dad is here with the truck, so I need to get going....
Thanks for the continued support.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Maybe XH isn't in the process of breaking it off with the OW. I have gotten several emails from her the past few days. The first one said something like "I did you a favor with Michael. He would have cheated on you eventually even if it wasn't for me." Huh? Does she honestly think that she "did me a favor?" What a joke!
The last email said something like, "I know he is a cheater and if you two are going to keep on talking and being friends I am going to end it with him." Now that one really is messed up. I ended my marriage because he wanted to be with her and now she wants to end their relationship because he wants to be friends with me? Whatever! I am so over this drama. I wont' talk to him anymore. No big deal really. She is such a bully.
At this point in my life there is no way I would take him back. Maybe 5-10 years down the road I would consider it, but right now I just can't.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Hmmm...I actually think it sounds like she's afraid she's losing him and is trying to push your buttons. She lied to you before, so what makes you think she wouldn't do it again?
Do what YOU want to do. If you want to be friends and maintain a friendly relationship with XH, then do so. If you don't, don't.
She is a sad, pathetic human being who may have just lost what she saw as her way out of her mom's house.
She doesn't matter, he doesn't matter when you think about what YOU want. I say put her email addy on the spam filter and be done with it. Let them play out their high school drama by themselves.
You, on the other hand, sound good. Glad to hear it!
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
Hi, Sara! I agree also. Do what you want to do. The OW sounds so manipulative it's amazing--please don't let her manipulate you into something you don't want. Karen
My Mom told me I would know my H's A was over when the OW started harrassing me.....maybe that is what is going on? She is nothing to you, not worth the time to respond.
(((Sara))) FWIW I agree with all of the above. You are no longer required to participate in their drama, but if you WANT to be his friend, then do it. If she has a problem with it, let her take it up with him...not you.
She isn't worth your time and XH is just starting to realize the weight of his actions, there will be more.
You however sound really good and for that I'm so glad. Take care of you.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Well XH claims that he broke up with the OW. He sounded really serious about needing to end it with her. I guess she has been disappearing late at night and he doesn't know where she is, won't answer the phone, etc. (sound familar????) I just hope that this is the end of all of her drama for me. I hope she doesn't come to my house or anything and blame me. I doubt it, but there is a small chance.
Meanwhile, XH wants me back. He keeps asking if I could take him back and if there is any chance of me taking him back. It breaks my heart all over again. I mean this is exactly what we all wanted isn't it? DBing worked and yet it is too late. I told him that it is too late and I think that was one of the hardest things for me to say. I wanted to scream...YES! Come back to me! I still am in love with you! But I know it wouldn't be wise for me, after he treated me so poorly and everything to take him back. We are divorced and it is too late. I still wish I had waited a little longer. But if I hadn't gone through with the divorce, who knows what could have happened. Just as I expected, that was the wake up call he needed But why did it have to go all the way to the divorce before he woke up?
I do want him to be my friend. Nothing more than that. I want to be friends with him as long as the man I used to know is truely back for good. I don't want some mean guy that wears my clothes, I want to be friends with the easy going funny man I fell in love with to begin with.
I sort of made XH think that I have something going with that guy that I am friends with (the cutie). And while both of us are not lookig for a serious relationship at this point and bascially just get together now and then to watch movies and b!tch about our lives, XH thinks it is something more. I just let him believe that.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
) from SD!