Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[Jen_Jam]

when did your H finally miss you?

not until about 1 and a half years after the bomb. that is when he told me he missed me. I think he didn't say anything earlier as he didn't want to give me any false hope, he wanted to be 100% sure of his feelings

I see it was 2 months of physical separation. How much/how did you interact during this time?Did you let him initiate everything? Was it during this time that you had counseling?

he would come by the house to look after the pets. We would contact each other every 3 days or so, but never for very long. We did go out once just to a pub, had a night out, he was trying to see if he enjoyed my company, and he did, but had no love feelings for me at all. I would sometimes initiate, but I would make sure he had a very convenient get out clause and i wouldn't get my hopes up, and I always had alternative plans for if H bailed. Looking back, I wish I had persued a bit less. although I did a good job of going out with friends - to a festival, to Italy and to Budapest. We didn't have any C sessions until May, after the 2nd bomb.

In my case I now feel like every problem in the marriage was my fault

I know what you mean! Eventually you will become more detached and be able to see where you contirbuted, where H did and where just plain circumstance did. And you'll be able to learn from these.

I am just assuming about his mom telling him to get a D, but he DID tell me she suggested he be on his own for awhile. They have this really weird relationship, and I think she would always choose his short-term happiness over anything else. On the positive side she's always liked me a lot, but I don't know if he is now spinning a different story--one that makes her now dislike me...

can you control what your H says to his mum?
Can you control his mum's opinion of you?

You're welcome to the support - it's like seeing mine all over again .... and I know you can be happy. I just KNOW it