Well, I was an idiot and was really pissed about his backslide yesterday. I'm ready for your 2X4's! LOL
Oh first, I need to clarify. I know it's easy to confuse everyone's sitch's. WE don't have an OW to deal with in ours. Thankfully that isn't in our equation.
OK, so I called him, and he didn't asnwer. I got annoyed even more because I know he is on that hour drive. So I call again like 20 minutes later. Still no answer. So I leave a message asking him to call.
So my phone rings at like 10:30. He says... hey, whats up. My phone didn't ring for some reason. I just got home, and saw you had called twice. So I said.......... forget it. I thought we could talk while you were driving home. Now you are home and I know you are tired. He says."no, tell me what's going on". So I say........"Chris, I know you are confused. But when one day you can ML to me, then the next day I can't even get a hug. It really makes me feel like crap. The last think you need is for your husband to make you feel cheap".
He just calmly and in an understanding way said. "I know. I'm sorry.".
Then I said."You know Chris, I will keep doing this if this is what it takes. But God this SUCKS! All I want to do is love and care about you. Is that so bad? CAn you open up just a little and let me care about you"
To which he said "ok". Again, I'm totally shocked because he's being open.
I said, "really, you think you can try to let me in just a little?"
And he said "OK, I can try".
So while I do need 2X4's and need to let this rest now, that was huge!
I started crying (the relief happy type of cry, as he's never remotely said he'd try anything), and I said "Thanks Chris, that means the world to me".
Then I told him good night, and I hoped he'd have a nice day. He may be coming out again tonight to see the girls if he's not too tired after his day of instruction. He's working some big OT this weekend, so he's not sure if he'll be too worn out or not.
I'm so looking forward to next weekend. I'm going out of town with 7 girl friends from Thurs-Sun. I need it. Juts a weekend away from this, the kids, everything. And I think it'll be good for him to be home (he's going to stay here with the kids while I'm gone) with the girls. He defintely doesn't say anything about missing me at all, but he really misses being here in our home and our town. HE said that they other night.
So anyway. OK, slap me now. But it was a backslide with good results I think??
Chris
__________ Me:39 H:39 D:8 D:4 M:9 (T 13) Bomb 4-5-08, H moved out 6-16-08, Reconciled and H moved back in 5-31-09 Still doing GREAT a year later!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Chris- good job...but now give him space...if you push too much he will back waaaay off..even more...you dont want to risk it..and he said he needed time off..i know how hard this is!
he came to you, cooked dinner and said he is atying with you for a week...HELLO!
positves girl- yay! it seems to be going well- dont let your emotions take you down cheeseless tunnels...you did get cheese that time- so good work
im surprised he reacted well- it seems like you said things very calmly and clearly...yay!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
OK. It was very non-DB, but you got a positive result from it.
Now...STOP! I mean it. NO R talks initiated by YOU. Even if he goes back on what he said earlier...don't bring it up. NO R TALKS...not even nice comments about how the two of you are perfect for each other, nothing about the hopes you have...NOTHING! Get him thinking on his own. If he wants to hug you he will. If not, do you really want to force it?
It's good that you're going out of town and I'm sure he'll be thinking about you since he'll be back in HIS house, with his kids.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
