All I can figure is that she must secretly enjoy prolonging the drama.
I think so too!!! Who will she mess with and get to vent her frustrations on???--I think that is her favorite hobby! Hi LWB! I know you say your H is committed to this, but I think the whole "losing the paperwork" thing shows he is not 100% convinced, and yeah, confused....((((LWB))))) I just think yeah, he's not 100% an idiot, huh? Karen
You know, sadly the whole scenario of "losing" the paperwork is not so unusual. Some guys just never seem to getting around to filling it out, samething. Maybe they do it to get more time or just because they are procrastinators. Maybe they just want us to do all of the work as we've always done. Could even be that he doesn't want to be looked at in the end as the one who pulled the trigger. Clearly he's a very screwed up man.
You know, from what you write it is evident that you are the rock and probably always have been. That's probably the very thing he needs but is also holding against you. Thing is He can't have it both ways and right now it doesn't sound like he knows what to do.
Stay strong and listen to your gut. You're doing so great!
Gforce, funny you said that, because H's line is "I'm a pr#ck but not a d#ck" when it comes to us talking about money and support after the D. He means he realizes he totally messed us up, but isn't going to leave me high and dry. There's that sliver of conscience. Small sliver, but its there.
Beth, my lady. You are right right right. In everything you said. Especially the part that H doesn't want to actually do the paperwork. He isn't procrastinating, he is just used to me doing the legwork. I have always been the rock, and yes, he doesn't always use that for good.
And he also loves to say "Oh you can't WAIT to get rid of me, look how fast you schedule these appts". I don't let him pull me in though.
Thanks again!!
And yes, cat, weekend was VERY nice, and drama free. I just avoided my live in wanna be x, and had a great time with the girls.
THink I'm going to soon be in a very similar spot to yours with a "wanna be x" who will still be spending a whole lot of time at our house (the office where he gets most of his work done is our garage efficiency, and there would be WWIII to get him out of it while we still own this house)...
How do you do it...and maintain your level of grace and generosity of spirit?
hey lwb!!!! just swinging by to say hi. has h mentioned his homework/getting it together at all? I find it so interesting that he keeps putting the responsibility for the D on you, btw. (you want it, you rush the appts, etc).
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Got myself all good and worried today while paying bills. EVERYTHING is going up. Everything. Gas, electric, phone, cable, school tuition... Everything. I am terrified I'll be so broke!!! I am changing my Excel spread sheet (the lawyer gave me) to reflect the new higher bills, and H obviously knows they are rising too. I am just scared! I'll be more peaceful knowing how much support H will be giving me every month. I don't even care about a specific amount (more or less than the state requirements), just so I can sleep at night and the girls are provided for without ANY of us going into debt. I don't want H to be broke either, I truly don't.
We are taking 2 fairly small salaries (compared to private salaries, we are both federal employees) and going to live 2 lives with this amount. S C A R Y
That's why this is so unfair. We worry about these WAW's finacially but believe me they'll be just fine. You will have the day to day expenses of your girls, and that will only get more expensive as they get older. Make sure that you keep your emotions out of this because the one thing that I do know is that he will never have the expenses that you do and the ones that will suffer if you don't get enough are your babies!
This was his choice. Let him figure it out for himself!
Why can't the WAS be rational and see that not only does it cause severe emotional distress on everyone involved, there is also financial distress. It's all about them though. Honestly, I can't see how a person could put their families through this, but unfortunately it happens all the time.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
