In terms of a current thread, I don't really have one. I tend to post on a particular theme every now and again, usually if I'm feeling low. If you look at the history of my posts, there are several threads there (give me a prod and I'll try to pick out some links to the more significant ones). If you have particular questions, then feel free to ask.
I don't like reading some of my early threads as I see myself as being a bit pathetic! I wish I had stood up for myself more and not cared as much about the potential consequences for our R. That may sound backwards, but I think on reflection it would have given us better odds.
One reason why I don't have a current thread is that I have long since given up on saving my M. This is because my W has never given me any inkling of hope, however small. I am moving on quite well these days, but at the same time am aware that friendship is a real possibility and worth it. When I consider that my W and I would probably never have a chance to have children now this has happened - *if* our R ever got back to being sound (and she doesn't want them anyway) - that just about finishes off all hope for us. Sad but true. It doesn't stop me thinking of what might have been and missing her though.
If your H is any way like my W, then he will seek to interact as little as possible, but will be polite when he does. Most interaction will be indirect and about practical issues. He will also give you no information about his life, as he considers it private and not your territory anymore. He will also act as though there is no emotional fallout for him. It's pretty harsh, but at least it's a clear message and not a rollercoaster. From my point of view, breaking off contact reduced my stress levels significantly and aided my own journey. I am happier now, but found things hard going at times. It's weird when things will strike you. Mind you, it is a form of grief for the LBS.
Does your H give you any reason to hope? It sounds to me like there is something he needs to say, possibly about the past. However, that's what I thought about my W and she always denied that she was anything but honest (and hated me asking). I don't really know.
I felt MC was a depressing and short-lived event. Even though we identified some negative patterns which could have been worked on, she gave the counsellor and I a clear message that all that was learned might be good for the next R but she didn't actually want to save the current one. I think many spouses go there in an attempt to put that message across. We lasted 2, perhaps 3 sessions. She really strongly objected to the fact that she thought I was searching for a way to fix our R. As far as she was concerned there was no fix, and fixes wouldn't have been the answer anyway. I can sort of see what she meant. However, when you are in that sitch, you look (as a man) for ways to make tangible changes to improve things.
We interact infrequently, although possibly a little more directly now that we have eventually met again. I still know very little about her personal life, nor her mine. The interaction is relatively stress free though. Enough time has passed to allow that.
I would think that there should be plenty of people out there who are in a similar sitch. What felt unusual about mine in comparison to others was the lack of a rollercoaster ride. Most seem to have seen signs of hope at some stage or another. Perhaps I am blind though!
In terms of our future, I presume that one or other of us will file for a D in a year's time. Everything else is pretty much sorted.
I will check in and try to offer as much help as I can.
Make sure you take time to look after yourself.
Max
Me 36 W 37 Bomb (Easter 07) Sep (WAW July 07) "It's over" (end Oct 07) T10.5 years, M2 (before bomb)
