Been married 20 yrs, the first half was great. I became very ill, and for the next 5 years things were on hold. The last 5 years have been frustrating, basically a no-sex marriage. W does not like that I've changed, (don't we all over time?) and basically uses sex as a tool. Instead of seeing it as a way to invest and build into our relationship, she seems to look at it like a tool to be used, a carrot. And that makes me awfully mad, causes me to tune out, and just not care. I feel used, and cheated.
I told her we needed to go to marriage counseling several mos. ago, she went twice, and refused to go anymore. I thought we were about to go our separate ways about a month ago, but she said she wanted to work it out. Have ML twice since then, the first time was actually uncomfortable. I felt she was doing it just to save the marriage, and frankly that's not a turn on. THe second time was more normal, beautiful, actually. Since then, it seems the old habits are back in force. Perhaps a little more conversation, I try to talk with her, but with not much response. And the touching part has ceased. Is it threatening? Or just not seem genuine, if she can't talk with me? I think no. 2.
We've just changed so much, and she's basically said she doesn't like who I am. I guess it's hard to ML with someone you don't like or respect.
So, sorting it out, into two piles. She loves me, she loves me not. If at the end of this, pile #2 is larger, I think I'll call the whole thing and live in a tent! LOL!
Confused, licking my wounds, and ready to move on.
