New Abbreviation for everyone VI I

[Starshyne]

Hi Jeff,

Long time no chat. I wanted to pop in here and see how you are doing. Where is that happy Jeff I saw last month? It sounds like things are very hectic and stressful for you right now. I really like the idea the others gave for you to take some Jeff time alone. I know the issues with your W are so stressful and you are doing such a great job detatching from her. Keep plugging at it.

Sara

[JeffSTL]

Hey Sara, its been very busy, W watches kids during the day and when I get home she leaves, and on weekends they are with me all weekend.

Just have to get throught this month, because W will not be with them all day (they will be in school) so I expect her to want them more on the weekend, we'll see.

W called me at work today, I wasn't at my desk, note stated call W ASAP urgent - I thought something was wrong, they went to the pool today. I call cell phone no answer, I call house no answer, wondering whats going on, try cell phone again, she answers, water bill in her name and its late, doesn't want to damage her credit record. I say I'll take care of it and hang up, broke out in laughter, everything ok with kids, urgent is her credit record.

W spotted with OM, by old friend of W's, he tells W's friend who was her maid of honor at our wedding, I get a e-mail from her today inviting me and the kids over to a BBQ. Before I respond back I figure out that she was told about W with OM and tell her the whole story, she is sick about it, I tell her I'm fine, that if she talks to W she will get the sugar-coated version, she thanks me for telling her whats going on because she was hearing rumors. She is having an adults only party, told her I'll be there, I just needed enough warning to make sure W isn't working so W can watch the kids.

2008 is a rebuilding year, get D finalized, get house in order, get all of W stuff out of the house, get through halloween and christmas, and start 2009 with everything in order. I cannot wait until 2009

Have a busy weekend planned, Sunday after church, to the pool, BBQ swimming, checking out all the hot babes. Meeting a couple of friends up there, have a birthday pool party at friends house that day also, I'll be tired, Have softball play-offs Monday, My team made it to the final 4 out of 16 teams.

Thanks for checking in on me everyone

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[JeffSTL]

Neighbor keeps telling me stuff that she saw when I was at work, like W would keep kids inside and OM would show up and they would talk on the front steps.

I told neighbor to stop telling me stuff like this because it just upsets me and there is nothing I can do about the past. I truley did love my W and I showed her as much as I could. The giving up is the hardest part and it takes time to mend a broker heart.


John Mayer "Dreaming With A Broken Heart"

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for the moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not,'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't,'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Baby won't you get them if i did?
No you won't,'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

Thanks for checking in on me everyone.

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[karen43]

Jeff, I love that song too. I listen to it often. I guess we are both in the "waking up" stage, at least I am. I still get surprised when H does something awful or disappointing; I guess at some point I will just take off the rose-colored glasses for good.

I just honestly don't understand why our WAS would walk away from unconditional love like we've offered them. Is it really that easy to find or replace??? Karen

[kat727]

No it isn't easy to find or replace. Somewhere inside themselves I think they must feel that they are not worthy of it, making all kinds of bad choices and hurting the people that know love them.

I don't pretend to understand. There are days I am just devastated when he takes the kids and other days I welcome a few hours by myself. I have to do this for eleven more years? God please help me.

kat

[JeffSTL]

Hey Karen, I don't know how John Mayer, writes these songs, how can he have felt so much pain already, he is sooo young.

karen: just honestly don't understand why our WAS would walk away from unconditional love like we've offered them.

Kat: I think they must feel that they are not worthy of it, making all kinds of bad choices and hurting the people that know love them.

I don't know ladies, I really don't know, I know about the chemical in their brains (PAE or somthing like that) that makes them get a rush from what they are doing, but overtime the feelings of excitement wears off, I guess they will move on again and again, and never really know what true love is. They had it right in front of them and they let it go.

Karen you posted this about them crashing down from their fantasy worlds, I'm sure they all will at some point, and when my wife does, I'm going to be sad for her, because I'll remember this point in my life and how bad I felt.

Good night ladies, thank you both for watching over me, I feel like I have two angles watching over me, thank you and sweet dreams.

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[JeffSTL]

I was reading some of my old post, and I should remember some of the things I wrote. This was written several weeks ago:

Here are some facts about my life and life in general

* Things will get better
* Smile and the world smiles with you (try it, it works, as you walk around look at people and smile)
* There is calm before a storm, there is also calm after a storm
* There are a lot of women out there looking for someone to love (I'm coming, I just have to wait until I get my life in order)
* Money isn't everything
* Its the path we chose in life thats important.
* Both the kids and I won't remember the dirty dishes. We will both remember playing at the pool together or catching fire-flies on a warm summer evening. (I really have to remember this)
* Living well is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a former relationship, just might mean that the other person was right about you.
* Clean your house before you invite guest over (metaphor for life after divorce)
* Its not what you saved but how much you actually spent that matters. (I always heard W and even girls at work say, well, I saved $ or it was 50% off so I saved $)
* Woman also like the simple things in life (The simple things in life are all I can afford)

My Horoscope for today:Your routine is about to be tossed on its ear by a new person. Suddenly you either desperately want to impress the heck out of them, or shadow them everywhere they go to find out what their secret is. They are so different from you that you find them more fascinating than the latest celebrity gossip, political news or anything else. Finding out what makes them tick will be one of those challenges that inspire you to get creative and clever. This person is good for you -- in one way or another.

Wow, I hope its a woman

M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

[Starshyne]

I hope it is a woman for you as well Jeff! LOL Keep hanging in there. Things in my H's world are at the beginning stages of crashing down and it is interesting to watch to say the least.

I have talked to him a couple of time and he honest doesn't remember many of the things he has said or did in the past 7 months (ignoring the neighbors, cussing at my Dad, calling me evil). I wonder if all of that has something to with some chemical?

The summer is starting to wind down and school will be starting up soon. I am sure you are ready for that. Have you been doing some back to school shopping?

[whatdidido]

I like how you look back at your posts. That is a smart thing to do, to be retrospective and learn for the future. We all tend to come up with new mantras or new things to focus on and say when we have really already said it before and just need to keep reminding ourselves of these things. You are a smart man, good father, and deserve the best for the future. Thinking of you....

[karen43]

Good post Jeff-and all true!!! I definitely think that is talking about a woman b/c it would be weird I think if you wanted to impress/shadow a guy for some reason? Not that there's anything wrong that of course! Nice quiet day of cleaning for me and now I'm going to relax some and then work out. Try to avoid H when he drops the kids off.

Yeah, Sara I think when they go through MLC or A or whatever their brain is affected-remember they drop however many IQ points and I think their memory is affected too Karen