For the Guy with Kids and a WW 8

[kat727]

Hey, It is so good that your parents are there for you. I didn't tell my parents until I found out that H had filed. They were sooo nice to me and wanted to know why I hadn't told them. It was because I pretty much knew that once my parents knew, there was no going back. I had always said that he was going to have to tell everyone what he was doing. H is such a coward, he couldn't even tell his parents that he was cheating, just that he met someone he could talk to. Yeah, that is a reason to leave your family.

It is hard. I am not going to sugar coat it, but we are here for you and it sounds like your friends are coming out of the woodwork. Talk to them. They are there to help. Tell them what you need.

A few weeks ago I went out with my bestfriend and I told her, just because I am disappointed and mad at him doesn't mean I don't love him. She said she knew and that was why she let me get out alot of my frustrations when I talked to her. They may not totally get it, but just being with them will help.

Lots of hugs Roger. You are going to be fine and so will your kids. Focus on the 4 of you now. I wish I could say more to help you. I am always checking in so if you need to talk I am here.

kat

[hopeful4her]

Thanks kitty kat

I feel a lot better today. It was hard to sleep, but I did. Had to work again today.

Why were YOU up so late?

Mom asked me last night.
'I don't understand the hold that woman has on you. I am glad she is out of your life. She has been nothing but trouble to you.'
I agreed that GBG has a hold on me. She's my kryptonite. I am such a strong man in every other aspect of my life. The rock for everyone else.

But THAT one brings me to my knees. I love her.

After I posted last night, and got into bed, my phone rings. My SIL? I answer and it was D11. 1am.
'Hi, daddy.'
'Hi baby girl.'
'I miss you. I want to come home.'
She is starting to cry. She is making me choke up.
'I really miss ya'll too. Your going to be ok. I wish ya'll could come home, too.'
'I don't want to be here.'

We talked for about a half hour. GBG had just left to go leave off the Uhaul? 1am? I asked her about her day. She misses me. They are sleeping on the floor. My SIL is there right now but asleep. I told her what I did after work. Grandma and grandpa miss her, too. She wants to come home. I ask her about her room.
'That is not my room. I'm not calling it my room.'
'Momma, I am so sorry that we are going through this. I love you so very much.'
She's worried about me. I tell her not to worry about me. I tell her that I worry about her and Juli and even mom.

'I want to see grandma.'

I tell her that she can stay with me. I can pick her up after work today and we can visit grandma and then they can spend the night.

I tell her to ask mom. She asks how the house looked to me. Her room. I tell her that I was upset that they took all the clothes and toys.

'I know' she says. 'I don't want to be here.'
'Do you want to live with me?'

I wasn't sure if I should ask her that question.
'I don't I can.'
I tell her that she is getting older and that her opinion counts. She needs to talk more about her feelings. She can say what is on her mind with out hurting my feelings. The same goes for her mom.
'Don't be afraid to say what you want.'
GBG had gotten back before we ended our convo. I tell D11 to get some sleep but talk to mom about what we want to do. She says ok. She wants me to call her at 10:00 even if I wake her up.

I called her at 10. Woke her up. I love sleepy talk.

She said mom said that that was fine. I ask if they have stuff for breakfast. She says yes. I tell her to pack a bag and get ready. Her and D6. I'll call her in about an hour. Before I get off.

I'll have to talk to GBG today or tomorrow about their stuff and about some bills that are auto. She used our joint account for some pizza last night. That must mean that her account is already down. That must mean that I won't get any help for the current bills due for last month. Light, water, phone, cell phone.

I don't care. I'm going to have my girls tonight. I'm going to take Thursday off. Eye appointment for D's. Raven Simone is coming to Six Flags Fiesta Texas that day too. I'll take them to their first concert.

I just called my mom. Let her know that D11 wanted to visit her. She was at the bank. She is transferring money to her and my savings to payoff our taxes.

God is good. My parents are and have been a blessing to me.

Don't think I'll make it for movie night.
Unless ya'll want to watch some kiddie movie, because I'll be with my girlies tonight.

[kat727]

You need to be with them and vice versa. Have a great day with them and let them know that you are always , always there for them no matter what. No one or no thing can ever change that.

Let them know it is ok to not like what is going on, you don't either but you are going to work so hard to make this work out. When you love someone that is what you do. Now go get a life and make us even more proud of you!

hugs, kat

[hopeful4her]

GBG called from her once secret phone. I already had it included in her list of numbers with its own ringer.

I answered it like I already knew who it was. I said hi. She tells me that she wanted me to have her new number.

I nonchalantly said ok, like whatever. Right over her head.

We talk about the girls. She says that D6 wants to stay at the apartment, so only D11 wants to get picked up.

I tell her that she wants to spend the night with me and she says okay.

She starts to tell me that she took all the clothes because she wanted the girls to go through the stuff and pick out what they wanted to keep there and what to bring back. I said okay, and that I was glad she told me. She also took all the other stuff because they need to go through it all to have a garage sale at MIL's house. Easier to sort through it all this week at the apartment. She was going to bring back a lot of stuff.

'I just wanted to let you know. I wasn't planning on taking everything. I was going to bring some stuff back.'
I again thank her for explaining to me.

'Ummmmmm....'
I'm looking at our account.
'What? Spit it out. Don't beat around the bush.'
'Hold on! I'm looking at something.'

Damn, she is touchy. She is waiting for me to say something. She is ready to fight about whatever it is.

I ask about being able to pay some bills that are due. We talk about some bills that are gonna come out of joint account. Maybe she can help with her next check, she says. This one went to rent. She says she has paid for groceries that last 3 times. 'I've been contributing' she says.

I tell her about canceling her auto pays from the joint account. She was just going to close the account. I say not to. She asks about taking her name off. I say not to, we still need a joint account to put money into in case we need to give each other money or something.

I asked about picking up D11. She said I could pick her up at the work out area.
'How do I get in the gate.'
'You have to put in a code.'
I pause. Waiting.
'The code is ****. Just call her and she'll meet you out there.'

I'll have to ask her why she won't give me her apartment number. I need to know. My kids are going to live there.

She's wack.

[fightingirish]

hopeful,

What a tough day for you. I got so sad for you just reading all of this.

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.

My thoughts are with you.

((((((h)))))

[hopeful4her]

Still visiting my folks. D6 decided she wanted to join us. I found out that D11 was trying to talk her out of it. She us wanted to be by ourselves. New clothes for D's. My sister took D11 shoe shopping at Academy. She comes back with black Converse. The kind I used to wear. Mine were high tops though. My D11. Now grandpa and grandma took D6 to get some sneakers. What a good day for them. After, we'll go rent some movies, make some dinner and maybe camp out on the living room floor, too.

Thanks for the support guys. It means a lot to me.


Bear hugs to all of you.

Check back later tonight. Looks slow right now. Hope everyone is enjoying their lives and kids.

[attorneytom]

Yes.. probably the most difficult weekend of your life my friend. Hang in there and just keep repeating to yourself "I am about ME.. and my children".

Got your back here !

AT

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H)))) I'm glad that the girls came to stay with you tonight, you needed some Daddy time. Its cool your DD got some "Chucks", my doodlebut got some too. They are black with pink and white writing all over them, Chucks are awesome.

Your parents being there for you makes this a little easier.

But THAT one brings me to my knees. I love her.

I'm right there with you my friend. For all the stuff my H has done to me, I can't help it...I love him. I feel you on this one.

You keep up the good work and stay strong. We will all be here for you. The fantasy can't last forever.

Suga hugs to you (((((H4H))))))

[hopeful4her]

Thanks AT. Friday was really shi**y, but Saturday ended up being really good thanks to my folks.

Suga, I swear that I will never ever understand what it is about her. I will always hope for us.

The problem is that IF we EVER get back, I'm just not sure if my parents would ever accept her back again. They are stubborn, too.
Can't even think about that crap right now.

Spent most of the day at my parents house. Girls were happy. Mom told me that she and D11 were talking alone and mom asked her about her room at the apartment. D11 told her the same thing she told me. 'It's not my room.'

I fell asleep for a little while. Just tired.

S14 calls me. Asks if we are home. I say no. He says he and GBG are going over to the house to get some more of his things. I say ok.

Leaving, mom invites back over today for lunch after church. BBQ. I hesitate a little and then agree. I wasn't sure how soon GBG wanted the girls back. Oh well. Then my mom offers her Explorer for us to take home. AC, you know. We are coming back tomorrow anyway. Okay.

We hit the grocery store. Tonight we are having some seafood and veggies. We NEVER got to eat seafood. GBG hates it. A few other things and then we hit the video store. On the way home, I see GBG vehicle passing on other side of the road.

At home, she cleaned up some more. She had washed more clothes yesterday that were left in the washer. I had put them in the dryer. The towels that were in the dryer, I had put on the sofa.

She folded the towels and put them away. Even the ones in our, ahem, my bathroom. Folded some of my clothes, but did not put them away. Washed the dishes and even the coffee pot.

She's goofy.

I found another picture frame gone. Us at our wedding.

Remember on 4th of July, we were going through her jewelery? I went through a box of mine, too? I had found a little card that had come with some flowers she had gotten me for our 4th anniversary? Mushy?

That box of mine was on her dresser when I left the house in the morning. The little picture frame and card were in there.

Gone. Another picture of us on our first official date that I had in my drawer. Friday morning, I know it was there. Friday night, gone.

All wedding stuff, all the pictures of us, gone. She has them all.

Not sure how to bring it up. I was going to accuse her of throwing them away or something.

I guess I should just simply ask. Where are they, because I want them back.

The romantic in me says she is going to put it all together for me in an album or something.

Now I'm the stupe.

Fix dinner and watch some of D11's shows on the tube. Never made it to the movie. D11 says she wants to leave her new clothes here at the house. And her shoes. I say that is fine. If she wants to. Made me feel really good. They both wanted to sleep with me. I told them to sleep in their beds, but they just made a beeline to my bed and planted themselves.

Was a really good day and night. Lots of tickle fighting again. In bed in the dark, D6 kept getting the giggles, making us laugh and laugh. I had to keep shushing.

I'm up early. Watching them sleep. Gonna make a good breakfast, as is my Sunday tradition. Pancakes and bacon today. Their fave. They, well, WE all are bacon freaks. Even GBG.

Too bad, too sad for her.

Feeling very strong right now. Yesterday too. Mom broke down a little, when she told me of her convo with D11. I got a little teary eyed. She can see that D11 wants to be with me more that GBG. I told her that I will keep an eye. Ask D11 questions. Let her know that she has an opinion and has to be open with both Mom and Dad. She will have to speak up when she is ready.

Have a great Sunday, peeps. Check back in later. Sorry I haven't posted too much. Not much time.

We'll see how I do this coming week.

Alone.

[whatdidido]

ARGH! I just posted a long response to you and it accidentally got deleted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, I will summarize. I want to say again how you are a good man, and a good father. Thank you so much for the special post to me, that was very kind. I'm glad that I can help you in some way.

Reading your situation gets frustrating and I'm sure living it is even more frustrating. You and your family have so much potential just at your fingertips and it just seems to get away from all of you. Your W is so sad about the fact that she doesn't feel like she loves you really. She is so confused but so uninformed about life and love. You two can make it, I know it. Why aren't you asking her to go to Retrovaille, h4h? I want to know your honest answer to that question.

As for B and all the other women coming out of the woodwork...you need to stop all that crap right now. For any hope of you two staying together, and for your own well being, you need to stop contact with them. You are still married, and talking to other women and flirting. Don't say they are just friends, etc. etc. You and everyone else know that is not true. You even gave yourself your own 2x4. I remember you telling me that you have been in a relationship since you left your parents home, so this is very scary to you to be alone. Do NOT give up on her. Your marriage is not over. Everyone at Retrovaille said that they felt that their marriage was hopeless and that it was done. We all felt where you are right now.

You are thinking....well,WDID she moved out yesterday what do you want me to do!!!?????/ I want you to ask her about retrovaille, and I want you to start working on YOU. Do NOT start looking elsewhere for love that your W is not giving you. That was the mistake that I made. You are not divorced. Your wife still gives you signs. What are you doing to help yourself? Are you seeing a counselor? Are you reading books? Are you talking to your pastor about what to do?

I may be sounding harsh, but I just don't want you to look back and regret ANYTHING, and I also know that you need to heal yourself before you jump into something else or someone else that will make you feel warm and fuzzy and ruin anything else you could have done.